


Loosen Your Tongue

by girlscout



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bondage, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky is bad, Choking, F/M, Feelings develop, Forced Orgasm, Gun Kink, Gun play, Knife Play, Lima Syndrome, Memory Loss, Nipple Play, Non-Consensual, Non-Consensual Bondage, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, OFC/Steve Rogers - Freeform, Porn with Feelings, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sex Toys, Shameless Smut, Smut, Smut that develops a plot, Smut turns fluff, Spanking, Stockholm Syndrome, Waterboarding, amnesiacs with amnesia, angsty, denied orgasms, endless memory loss, it was time for me to stop writing this one, mental health care, non-canon, out of time line, tags tags tags, tags updated regularly, the end!, unprotected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-10-06 21:38:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 34,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17353073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlscout/pseuds/girlscout
Summary: An operative is taken captive, and The Soldier does what he must to make her talk.But an open door can be entered from either side;What happens when a rescue attempt throws them onto equal ground?CH1-5 can be read as a mini smut-fest without the developing/extended plot.





	1. Chapter 1

"We will wait no longer for results. This is your last chance to break her."  
The cell door slammed shut and she was plunged into darkness again, but no longer alone.  
It had been days, maybe a week since Ruby had been taken. She was under cover, posing as the girlfriend of a rich arms dealer. Clint had been posing as the arms dealer. He sold the bit perfectly; drinks, card games, lavish cars and lounging by the pool whilst being courted by other _business men_. Ruby wondered how they'd identified her, maybe the sour look on her face every time one of Clint's new associates made a comment about her body or what they'd do with it, maybe the way she tapped at her phone didn't look like a bored trophy-wife texting - and the reality of it was that she was keeping thorough transcripts of all the meetings Clint took.  
Somehow, someone knew, and they grabbed her.  
It wasn't Ruby's first mission, she'd worked with the Avengers a few times too, but was hoping to use this one like an audition for the permanent gig.  
She knew how to withstand interrogation, and that the Avengers would come for her, but trembled still, looking at the figure in the cell with her. The Soldier, that's all she'd ever heard him called. He was clad in black leather and body armor, dark hair hanging down to his shoulders and eyes that pierced through her, icy and empty.  
The cell was more of a dungeon, than anything else; damp, stone walls and no windows, a metal bed with a thin mattress in one corner and just a bucket in the other.  
Sometimes her interrogator would let her use the bed, and the bucket. Sometimes he lost his temper took both away.  
"What will it be today?" His head rolled on his neck as he observed her. This one was different, normally it was work. He barely even saw his targets. With her, he had pin-point focus, thoughts beyond orders. She wasn't just his mission, she was his property.  
She had been lying on the lumpy mattress, hoping the clinking of a key in the lock would be food. "The knife?" He asked, pulling a hunting knife from an ankle strap. He'd spent a whole day cutting her. Light slashes to her thighs, that stung and burned and made a mess of her small, ragged blanket as they oozed while she lay strapped to the bed, but not enough to bleed out.  
He'd beaten and kicked her, knocking out teeth, Ruby was convinced she had at least one fractured rib. That night she hadn't slept because the bruises were everywhere and too painful to lie on.  
She'd been waterboarded, his lips on her's every time she came back from the brink.  
He growled, frustrated and grabbed a fistful of her hair. "I think from now on you'll wait here for me, on your knees." He threw her across the cell to the door.  
"I heard him." She sneered. "You aren't coming back after today. You're finished, Soldier!"  
"And you think that's good news for you little girl?"  
"I think it isn't good news for you."  
"You'll miss these sessions, eh?"  
"Like a hole in the head."  
"That's what you'll be getting anyway, when I'm done here."  
"And you as well!"  
"Unless I break you."  
"You won't."  
"You're a child, you're body is breaking. Your mind will follow."  
"Never!"  
"Then I suppose this is goodbye."  
He grabbed her from the floor and dragged her back to the bed. Ruby was in no condition to fight him physically, and allowed herself to be tied down again.  
"I hope you get a little more involved once we begin." He sneered at her limp limbs. He had worked out a plan. Pain would not loosen her tongue, but perhaps his could? Impending death did not open her up, so he would do that also. He would have to break her down, give her comfort, relief, and snatch it away. Pleasure to punish. He had seen these tactics work a dozen times. He would break her.  
He pulled his knife again, and slit away all of her clothes. He had shamed her before, stripped her, spat at her, pissed on her, he'd cut away chunks of her long, thick hair and stuffed it into her mouth when she let out a single sob.  
He cut all her clothes from her body, immobilized on the bed, and then knelt beside her on it.  
He trailed the tip of the knife along her jawbone, pressed it flat to her throat and laughed as she swallowed hard causing the smallest drop of blood to be drawn against the blade. He traced it down her sternum, and in spite of her resolve to never make a sound, he illicited a gasp by slapping the side of one of her breasts with his knife.  
"You sound excited, little girl."  
She didn't reply, focused her gaze firmly on the ceiling.  
"Alright, be like that. Let's see if I can make you do it again."  
Using the blade, he slapped her other breast. Her body tightened.  
"Arching your back, do you want more?" He cut a small tear beneath one breast, she bit down hard to stifle her pain. It was a flesh wound again, but the surprise of it stung her.  
Her teeth released her lip, just for a moment, fearful, as the knife flicked over her nipple but it was his teeth clamping down around the other one that a scream escaped for.  
"Finally." He purred, face still against her rib cage. "I knew I'd love the way you scream for me."  
He nipped at her other nipple, grinning into her flesh as she shrieked in pain. He looked down at her, chest heaving, nipples wet, she was out of breath and out of control.  
His fingers twisted and pulled at her nipples, and overcome himself, he leaned down to bite on her lip. She turned her head sharply, and he laughed again, catching her mouth to kiss it. He forced his tongue into her mouth.  
She tried to bite down, and he pulled back, slapping her hard across the face. He knelt again, now between her legs strapped to either bedpost, and pinched at her nipples again.  
"Bitch." He whispered silkily.  
She groaned again.  
His hands traced down, he intended to pinch at her most sensitive part. Trailing one finger across her slit and she hissed through her teeth at him.  
"You're going to tell me who you work for."  
"I won't!" She grunted.  
He pressed the tip of his finger against her clit, hard. The noise she made amused him, anger and frustration. He brought his thumb up and tweaked the sensitive bundle of nerves between it and his finger, and she repeated the sound. Her hips bucked ever so slightly. He pulled her hips against him, so she could feel how hard he was and saw fear ripple through her expression.  
He smirked, leaning down to bite her again. He slipped his hands beneath her buttocks, and then back round onto her stomach, holding her hips flat and pressed his face against her slit. His teeth closed around her clit and she screamed. His tongue flickered over it next and the scream died in her throat.  
"Stop!" She wailed, breath catching.  
He swirled his tongue faster, feeling her arousal flood into his mouth and her hips trying to move beneath his hands, he pulled back a little and plunged two fingers into her.  
"Stop, you bastard. Stop!"  
But her walls trembled around his fingers, he could feel her body betraying her as her orgasm grew ever closer.  
Without warning, he pulled his fingers out and bit down on her clit again. Her scream was disappointment more than pain.  
"Did you like that, little girl?"  
"Fuck you!"  
"That can be arranged."  
He lowered his fly.  
"No, please. Please don't." She pleaded.  
Ruby was soaked from the efforts he'd made with his tongue and he buried himself in one thrust. She cried out, still begging him to stop.  
"Does it hurt?" He growled in her ear.  
"Yes." She sobbed quietly.  
"Why?"  
"Please - Soldier, please."  
"Tell me why it hurts, little girl. Am I too big for you?"  
She sobbed harder an whispered "yes."  
"You've never been fucked like this, have you?"  
"Please."  
Her legs were tensing against her restraints.  
"Please what?"  
"Please stop."  
"Why?"  
She cried and turned her head away. He turned it back, forcing her to stare into his eyes.  
"Why should I stop? Is my little prisoner going to come?"  
"Yes!" She spat.  
"Good. I knew I'd get you to be a good girl for me."  
He pounded into her harder and sucked on her neck.  
"Come for me." The Soldier ordered.  
Her body begun to tremble, back arching her abused nipple upward, where his cruel mouth was waiting to suck at them again. Her walls clamped around his shaft as he forced himself as deep into her as he could. Her orgasm dissipated and still he pounded, moans and gasps becoming grunts and sobs again. He pulled out, bloodied from the force he'd fucked her, and slid himself into his hand, pumping the shaft as he came into his captives face.  
She closed her mouth but he ordered her to open it again, smirking as she flinched at his hot seed dripping over her lips. It splashed her cheeks and run down into her hair.  
Thinking at least for now it was over, she let out a sob that was stifled by his softening dick being pushed into her mouth.  
"Clean me up."  
She sucked, tasting his cum and her own fluids, and the metallic taste of blood in her mouth. His thrust, fucking her face, a few times and withdrew. He zipped himself and left her tied there, raw, exposed and covered in his cum.  
"They'll still kill you." She spat at him.  
"Not with the intel I have."  
The Soldier banged on the cell door, and someone opened to let him out.  
"She's American." He said, eyes glinting, grinning straight at her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Soldier needs her to crack; she needs to hang on until she's rescued but his methods of making her talk are making her pretty compliant, whether she realizes or not.
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> _Read warnings and tags._

Ruby lay on her cot, she closed her eyes and imagined the sun rising - it felt as though enough time had passed that it was nearing daybreak. She pretended that it was a dream, that she'd actually managed to fall asleep. Better yet, she imagined she was anywhere but the grimy cell, on a blood stained mattress.  
One day soon, she would be out on the lake behind the woods that stretched beyond the upstate New York compound. She'd row out to the middle, sit on the tiny island there and drink coffee, feeling the heat rise over her skin as the sun peeked over the horizon.  
Knowing Tony, he'd throw her a welcome home party, Steve would scold him that a party wasn't appropriate and Natasha would spend the days running up to it telling anyone who'd listen that she wouldn't be caught dead at it. But they'd both be there anyway, ready with comforting words and flowing wine; Nat would mutter sardonically at the edge of the dance floor, soothingly sarcastic, and Steve would insist Ruby dance with him. She imagined feeling safe in his arms, as he twirled her awkwardly to modern music that didn't match his moves.  
Ruby imagined feeling like herself again. She just had to hold out, and that day would come soon.  
Being back in her apartment. The promise that she'd be on the team after this one mission.  
Sam would flirt, like always. He and Scott would compete to be the one who got to take her out for dinner, but it would end up being all three of them eating take out and watching Friends re-runs on Tony's giant flat screen, like always.  
Her empty stomach growled acidically, chewing itself up. It'd been a day or two, they had to feed her soon if they wanted to keep her alive.  
She puzzled for a moment if they really wanted to keep her alive. She wasn't giving them any intelligence, sooner or later they'd give up trying and realize that it was safer if they made her disappear for good.  
Would he let them? She shuddered, and wondered who was in charge to make that call? After what The Soldier had done to her, she wondered if he was accountable to anyone. She shook the thought from her head. Clint would come for her; They were partners on this mission, he'd have known right away she was missing, and gather the rest of the team to help find her, they'd rescue her from this hell.  
She just had to hold out, for them.  
Ruby must have drifted off, from sheer exhaustion, because she burst back to consciousness with a shock; ice cold water dumped over her. She let out a wail and jumped up. Multiple hands pulled at her, onto her knees on the floor.  
"He wants you cleaned up." A voice told her, as another bucketful was thrown into her face. She was held by the guard who usually stood at the cell down, he leered as he peeled her damp tunic off and spoke in Russian to his colleague, with the water. "He wants her prettied up - I heard what he does to her in here."  
"It's true?"  
Ruby felt humiliated, she could understand what they were saying about her. Her guard began to scrub her skin with a stiff brush, it felt like the end of broom not something for skin. Another bucket of water made her raw skin burn.  
"I can see why." One exclaimed, pushing her chin from side to side.  
They poured another bucket over her, as if to rinse her face. A thumb grazed over her lips.  
"I bet she's a good cocksucker."  
With the brush, the guard scrubbed over her genitals until they ached, and the other pulled clumps of hair out combing it through.  
Silent tears fell from Ruby's eyes but she never made a sound.  
"That's enough."  
It was him. The guards jumped away from Ruby, they themselves scared in his presence.  
"Get out."  
"Sir!" They moved to salute him, but his eyes never strayed from Ruby's face. Both hunched into half bows as they hastily retreated from the room.  
Ruby didn't move, she didn't look him. Goosebumps puckered her skin, unsure if it was from the cold or his piercing stare.  
"You hear how they talk about you?"  
He drew his gun.  
"Answer me."  
She remained silent. He pressed the gun to her temple.  
"Answer them then; are you a good cocksucker?"  
Her head began to droop as she saw what was coming.  
"Ah-ah." He smiled, shaking a finger at her. With the tip of the gun, he lifted her chin again.  
"I'm glad you were waiting on your knees this time. Shall we begin?"  
The muzzle of his Colt butted her mouth, trained in firearms she recognised it as the M1911A1, it was practically an antique. 45 caliber and used heavily by US armed forces, up until the Vietnam war, Ruby tried to focus her mind on how a Russian intelligence operative came to have one. It's squared barrel slid into her mouth, she heard him flip the safety. His fingers traced into her wet hair, gripping hard enough to sore her scalp as he pushed the barrel in til the trigger guard dug painfully against her chin. He pulled it back and turned the piece sideways, allowing for more to fit in her mouth. He pressed until the muzzle was against her throat. Her gag reflex triggered, and Ruby gurgled around the Soldier's weapon.  
He smiled, pulling it out and allowing a string of saliva to trail off and dribble down her face.  
"Again." He commanded, tightening his grip in her hair.  
He repeated the process, forcing the barrel of his gun into her mouth until she choked on it. Over and over, speeding up each time, fucking her mouth with his weapon. Suddenly, he let go of her hair.  
"Do it without choking. I know you can take it, little girl."  
Tears pricking behind her eyes again, Ruby slowing parted her lips and slid them along the barrel of the gun.  
"Show me how you'll work me."  
She pushed the muzzle against her throat again, and drew back. She worked her tongue down the barrel.  
"Careful of that trigger." He laughed as her tongue accidentally looped inside the trigger guard. She didn't stop, and took as much of the barrel as she could again.  
He yanked it out her mouth, her teeth clanked against it.  
"I think you're warmed up."  
His cock was in her face, as he pressed the head against her lips, already salty with precum, he pressed his Colt to her temple once more.  
"Don't even think about biting."  
His cock was huge, her jaw ached trying to accommodate just the head. She lapped at it with her tongue, and sucked softly. The Soldier grew impatient and knotted his hand into Ruby's hair again, forcing himself into her mouth.  
"Suck like the slut you are."  
He held her head in place while she wheezed and choked. He begun to thrust, meeting his movements by pushing the back of her head against himself until his cock was filling her throat. The grip in her hair loosened as she went limp, eyes streaming, and choking with every thrust, and she relaxed, allowing his movements to slide deeper. The Soldier grunted, rutting into her mouth.  
Suddenly he withdrew and she crumpled to her hands and knees, sucking in air.  
He sat on her cot, and stroked her hair as she gasped.  
"Good girl."  
She hadn't the energy or oxygen levels to shrug him.  
The Soldier pulled Ruby up, and into his lap. Her legs straddled either side of him, she felt his cock, damp with her own saliva, bumping against her naked pussy as he settled her in place. His thighs were broad and muscular and hard beneath her buttocks, positioned to keep her legs open.  
"You were so wet for me last time, little girl."  
His left hand was silver metal, she had wondered how high up the prosthetic went, and she had hoped it hurt when he lost the arm. As he held her with an arm around her waist, his other slid between her thighs. She realized it wasn't a prosthetic at all, the shining metal fingers were fully functioning, as he scissored two of them around her clitoris. The Soldier moved to kiss her, as he had last time.   
"You don't want me to kiss you?"  
She stared daggers into him, but The Soldier merely laughed.  
"I'm your only friend, you should be nicer to me."  
"My friends are going to get me out of here."  
"Are they?"  
Her breathing was unsteady. "They'll kill you." She panted.  
He laughed again, Ruby smirked back at him. "You have no idea what's coming for you, when Clint finds me -"  
"Who's Clint, your boyfriend?"  
"My partner!" She spat.  
"You're making me jealous."  
He sharply tipped her backwards, to better angle, to enter her in one brutal thrust. Ruby cried out. He forced himself in, to the hilt and stopped, his fingers still working furiously around her sensitive bud, until her body betrayed her and hips began to buck, desperate for the monster rammed inside her to move. He kept working her clit as she flooded with arousal. Ruby was furious at herself, exhausted and every nerve on fire from the earlier scrubbing.  
Why wouldn't he get it over with? He came here to rape her, to use her body for his own pleasure! Why wouldn't he move? As she became more lubricated, her bucking hips slid her further up and down his cock, the friction was a relief, she needed more. She needed the ache of him stretching her out to be over, the painful way he probed her deepest spot was agonizing, but still he stayed motionless, but for those wicked fingers.  
She rolled her hips to entice him. He placed both hands on them, she groaned with frustration, the tight coil that had been building as he worked her raw clit suddenly halted. His hands pushed down, Ruby grunted, her eyes rolling back at the pain of being so full, her hips rolled again. The Soldier repeated the action over and over, he leaned back on her cot. Ruby anticipated each push and moved with him to minimize the ache it caused her until she realized he still hadn't moved and she was fucking herself on his cock. His hands urged on her on as she briefly slowed, her orgasm was building again and what good would it do to resist him now? She moved with his body again, all but bouncing them off the bed, on his cock. He opened his eyes to look at her; head lolling back, eyes closed, mouth open.  
The Soldier smirked to herself, he reached up for her breasts and pinched the nipples sharply. She didn't react with pain or anger like last time, perhaps she'd been expecting it, she grunted and panted, and fucked against him harder, determined to have her orgasm.  
"My little captive, you are a slut."  
Her nails pressed into his chest and, he sharply rolled her off his body. She spilled face down onto the cot, giving a whimper.  
"Were you close, little girl?" He breathed in her ear, covering her body with his. He held her down against the mattress and entered her again.  
She wailed, so beautifully. If she thought he was deep before, she was in for a shock. The Soldier rocked into her, picking up his pace. Her turned her head, maybe so she could breath, mostly so he could watch her face contract with pain every time he hit her g-spot, the way he hammered into her was for his pleasure and too rough to stimulate anything but pain. It made her yelp, too sensitive from her day with the guards and from having been denied being able to come.  
One hand on her neck and the other on her back, just above her taut ass, The Soldier pounded, breathless as he began to come. He thrust messily through his orgasm, filling her with his seed. As he pulled out, he rubbed his softening cock against her ass. Perhaps next time he'd claim that.  
The Soldier left her on her cot. He didn't cover her, or speak to her, just smirked at his come seeping out of her. He had real work to do, who was Clint? Would he really come to save the girl?  
Ruby wept silently into the mattress. She had wanted him to do those things to her! She had wanted to come, and was disappointed she hadn't. She felt sick. Hearing him leave her cell, she rolled over to clean herself up. Her body was aching and sensitive all over, and her tunic was still wet so slid under her scratchy, stained blanket to try and rest.  
She dropped off almost immediately, when she woke a bowl of soup and a slice of bread had been set on a tray by the door.  
She'd lived through another day, they'd come for her soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choking, and tenderness?!  
> Less smut, more story.

The Soldier didn't come to her cell the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. Ruby didn't know exactly how long she had been his captive, but every day he had entered her cell and found new ways to hurt her. She'd been beaten, kicked, cut on, tied to a chair and electrocuted with a high amp taser. The Soldier had lit a cigarette and begun asking her the same questions he always asked - who did she work for, why was she sent here, how did she find them, - and like always she didn't answer. He'd put his cigarette out on her flesh, lit another one and asked again. She'd been water boarded, he covered her face with a cloth and dowsed her in gallons of water. She'd choked it down, drowning, feeling as though she'd die and blacked out, waking up over and over on the cold stone floor, with his lips on her's, breathing life back into her and demanded his answers. The final time, his lips had lingered. Her lungs expelled the water but he barely withdrew, as she wheezed in a breath, he'd ducked back down just for a moment.  
The next time he came was the first time he'd raped her.  
It bothered Ruby that he hadn't been to her cell. Had he figured out her identity, or something else? Something worse? Would no one ever come to her again, leaving her to die in this dungeon?  
***  
The Soldier had been busy, out of the base. He'd observed the girl enough to know her accent was real, and he had a name. Not her's yet, but her partner; Clint. She had been snatched at the house of useful associate of his handlers; a gun runner named Arthur Rose. When he'd gone to tell Mr Rose he had poor taste in women and let a spy slip by security, the gun runner was no where to be found.  
The Soldier's handlers were furious, they had done business with Mr Rose for years. No one had ever met him until he arrived a few weeks prior with something very rare, and very pricey. They'd even suspected that he could be an alias, but the merchandise was worth risking a few patsies and delivery boys getting pinched, - now the deal was blown and Mr Rose was in the wind. Either he'd never do business with them again, or whoever created him had torched the identity overnight, all because The Soldier picked up one girl.  
He'd never be unsupervised on a mission again, he'd never be allowed to go unscrubbed - even overnight, let alone days at a time, - ever again. He'd never be given the girl to play with again.  
The glimmer of freedom The Soldier had made for himself was his undoing; he'd started thinking strategically about his mission and taking action without being green lit. He'd started thinking about her, when they were apart what did she do alone in her cell? When he couldn't manipulate her flesh with his hands, when he was pulling screams from her otherwise silent lips - but if he didn't break the girl, he'd be wiped and stuffed back in storage indefinitely.  
***  
Ruby knew he was there before she saw him, her hand closing around the rock she'd loosened from the stone floor. His chuckle drifted through the darkness to her, then a light flickered on. He sat on a chair, facing her cot, arms crossed. Beside him was a small table, she could smell the food he had brought and strained herself to relax her grip on her only weapon.  
"You're hungry." He noted her grip loosen.  
"Please." It was barely a whisper.  
"Only because I like it when you beg." He gestured for her to sit on the cot, near him.  
Soup again, and a bag of chips. As she ate, he opened the chips and helped himself to a few, as though they were friends catching up over lunch.  
"Tell me your name."  
She ignored him.  
"Not for my employers, for me."  
She kept her eyes fixed on her food, but realizing he wasn't the one calling the shot at all and that it may be an advantage to her. Perhaps he did this because he enjoyed it, more likely because he was paid to do it. She could work around a monetary incentive.  
"You like me calling you little girl?"  
He snatched the tray from her hands, the bowl spilling a little.  
"If you want to eat again this week, you will tell me what your people call you!"  
She had felt faint, and knew she had to eat more than a half bowl of broth every three days if she was going to live to see herself get out of this place. Her hands stretched out, gently he pushed the tray back into them.  
"Ruby." She grunted, quietly, as though he might not hear.  
He stood and she recoiled again, but he lay a protein bar on the tray and banged on the door to be let out.  
"Do they call you something else?"  
"Not here."  
"Who were you before you came here?"  
"I don't know." The Soldier looked at her, curious and questioning. For a moment, he looked vulnerable. He dropped his head as the door swung open.  
"Rest now, Ruby."  
***  
It seemed every time she tried to sleep is when he would come, appetite insatiable, looming out of the darkness. She woke to hands on her neck, a hard, heavy body pinning her to the cot.  
"I know who you are!" He hissed, squeezing her throat.  
Panic set in, she felt light headed and afraid. Did he truly know? He had no reason to keep her alive. Her fingers scrabbled at his strong hands, nails chiming against the metal.  
"Why did they send you though?" He grunted, using his knees to push her legs apart. "Did they send you for a weapons bust? Are you here for me?"  
"Y-yo -?" She gasped. For him? Why would The Avengers be interested in one operative? One operative who didn't even know his own name.  
"Were you sent to capture or terminate?"  
He shook her.  
"Who was Arthur Rose? CIA? Has he been detained?"  
Black spots exploded in front of her eyes, he was pushing into her dry pussy, her brain too panicked to allow her body's natural response to take over. It hurt, he moved too fast, allowing no time for her to adjust. She wheezed, unable to even beg him. She clawed desperately at his hands and arms, she struck out at his chest, primal instinct to fight for her life urging her.  
"Where's the vibranum?! Did he ever have it?"  
Her lips were turning blue, they moved softly as she struggled against him.  
"What was that, my Ruby?" He eased off from her neck, just when she thought she'd pass out. He rammed into her, over and over, her traitorous pussy not even waiting for her to recover, finally getting wet. It lessened the pain of his brutal pounding.  
Ruby whimpered beneath him, pushing his shoulders and chest. "Stop! Stop! Please, you're hurting me!"  
He smirked, feeling her walls squeezing him. "That's the idea, little girl."  
He thrust as hard and deep, seeing her scream forming.  
"How did you signal your partner?"  
"I didn't!"  
"If you have a tracking device, I'll cut it out of you, however long it takes to find!" His hands were at her throat again, squeezing tightly. Ruby had barely regained her breath, she couldn't focus her eyes.   
"Please - please. I'll take you to where the vibranium was stored -"  
She felt him come inside her once again, his hands clamping down.  
A small voice in her mind was furious that this was how she would die.  
***  
She was surprised to come to and feel him there still, - she realized that she was more surprised to have regained consciousness at all.  
He would leave her dumped wherever she lay when he'd finished, but now his arm was around her, head cradled against his broad chest. She started, pulling away, but The Soldier shushed her, smoothing her hair and pressing her close to him again. Ruby reeled. She struggled to find her voice, choked out of her, by him! And now, what? He wanted to cuddle!?  
He could see the confusion forming. He hurt her, starved her, broke and burned her, then something as simple as feeding her. He almost killed her, but now he'd pleasure her. She'd fight against him, her mind knew it was the right thing to do - defend, but her body surrendered to him every time, craved his touch. The girl all but belonged to him now.  
She'd asked to know his name, but the truth was he didn't know if he'd ever had one. He wondered if she pitied him somewhat. _Americans!_ They were all the same. Their empathy made them weak, she'd end up wanting to save him from this place, almost as much as herself.  
His metal hand stroked her hair, softly over her neck, down her chest. He cupped one of her breasts, thumb ghosting over the nipple through the thin fabric of the tunic she'd been given to wear, after he kept cutting her out of her clothes. It stiffened under his touch. He traced over the outline of her hips, across her stomach. He met her gaze, inches from her face. Ruby tried to recoil, but his other arm was still around her shoulders; softly, tentatively even, The Soldier kissed her.  
He roughly grabbed her ass and he chewed on her still lips, eliciting the smallest gasp. He stroked down the back of her thigh, and back up the front, sliding his hand between her legs. One finger teased over her clitoris, her head tipped back just a fraction and he kissed her again. In spite of herself, Ruby returned the gentle kiss, she parted her lips for his tongue, as his fingers probed at her folds.  
The metal hand felt strange on her skin, it moved like his real left hand would've done but was always unnaturally cold. He pressed one finger at her entrance, her hips tilted to give him access, The Soldier pumped in and out of her a few times before adding a second finger. His thumb circled her clitoris softly again.  
This wouldn't take long, The Soldier smiled against her kiss.  
He began to crook his fingers as he pressed into her, her hips bucked with his movements. He fucked her slowly with his hand, and she came around his fingers with a groan.  
The Soldier brought his fingers to his mouth to taste her, pressed a small kiss on her lips and stood from the bed.  
"Wait -" her voice was raspy. Ruby didn't know why she wanted him to wait, or what more she had to say to him.  
He stopped, but didn't turn.  
"I'll help you find out who you were before you came here."  
He moved to the door and raised his fist to bang on it, to be let out.  
"Please - if you know who I am, then you know my people can protect you from - them," she gestured beyond the door. "Help me, please."  
He smirked; There it was.  
The guard who was posted at her cell door stared in at her. She tried to wipe the expression off her face, prayed he hadn't overheard.  
"He won't help you."  
A lump rose in Ruby's throat.  
"He isn't able to. He isn't _programmed_ that way."  
She frowned.  
"You mean to say you haven't worked it out yet?" He hooted a laugh. "You've been trying to fuck your way to freedom, through the Winter Soldier!"  
Ruby gasped, the guard was still laughing at her expression as he banged the cell door closed again.  
She had known him as The Soldier, but thought it a code name, a disguise for a torturer. The Winter Soldier was a ghost story, no one believed he was real, let alone active, it made no sense. Stories of The Winter Soldier had been around for decades. Ruby wondered now if it were a mantel passed from operative to operative, she had seen her Soldier's body and face up close intimately even, no way he was much older than thirty, but pieces of a puzzle were forming; He had no name, no shame or morals about the methods he must have been instructed to use, the way the other soldiers feared him. Russian! It should have occurred to her sooner, Ruby chided herself, The Winter Soldier had always been rumored to have been a Soviet program, Ruby mulled it over now, he must be part of an initiative like Natasha had been. A captive himself once, bent and broken into their weapon. And the best part was, the other soldiers seemed to think it would be impossible to change his mind! Natasha had wanted to escape, maybe he would too. Another advantage to press.  
She'd been lost in thought, marveling that a phantom had just been brought to life, and almost wretched as she realized she'd thought of him as _her_ Soldier.  
***


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reward for a successful field operation.

_"He did WHAT?"_  
The guard cowered. The General had called for a mission report, all the higher-ups were nervous about the American girl and who sent her, but after almost two weeks The Soldier hadn't provided anymore information. It was common knowledge he fucked her, no one cared about that! What they cared about was results, and The Soldier getting his rocks off daily weren't the kind their organisation were interested in.  
_"Get them back here immediately!"_ The General screamed, spit flying. His eyes narrowed dangerously. _"Get him into the chamber."_  
The guard had reported that The Soldier had taken the girl from her cell, he'd dressed her in the clothes he'd stripped off her the first night she arrived, and taken her outside the compound. He passe on what his colleagues had told him, that The Soldier and the girl climbed on a motorcycle, and drove back towards the city.  
_"What the fuck does he think he's doing?! I want him scrubbed and back on ice, and I want a bullet in her brain before the end of the day. Make him do it!"_  
***  
The Soldier pulled onto the curb, and parked up. He lifted her down from the back and draped his arm around her waist, up under her short jacket. To anyone walking by them on the city street, they were just another couple making the most of their day before it got to hot. What no one saw, what only Ruby could feel, was the blade pressed between her ribs.  
"Take me to the warehouse." He ordered, giving her a little jab.  
They walked down narrow, cobbled streets, brick houses washed in white, muscle cars lined the beach front and the smell of coffee spilled from every cafe.  
"Smile."  
The Soldier was taking a risk, but if he found what they were looking for it would be worth it. Arthur Rose, the gun runner, had come into town looking to sell weapons-grade vibranium. It was so rare, even a few pounds of it was worth millions. The Soldier's handlers had sent in the big guns, him, their biggest gun, to ensure they were the ones who made a deal with. He'd caught himself a little spy, hanging off Mr Rose's arm. The Soldier had cloned her cellphone, her contacts and communications were useless, but she'd saved meticulous transcripts on every conversation and proposition Mr Rose had had. Grabbing her had the opposite of desired effect, and the gun runner had vanished.  
He had the girl though, he would get answers and maybe even the merchandise, if they moved quickly.  
"You run, you call out to anyone, I'll gut you in seconds." He hissed in her ear, then kissed her, to make his whisper look like sweet nothings. The Soldier was impressed, she played her part and laughed coyly.  
"It's right up here. The red garage doors." She pointed a couple dozen yards ahead.  
A man sat at a tiny teal-painted table glanced up from his breakfast as they passed. The Soldier didn't blame him; she was in her own clothes, a sun dress that even the slightest breeze lifted tantalizingly, though soon the heat would be unbearable, she'd covered her arms, littered with bruises and scars, souvenirs of her time with him, with a demure and floaty cover up, and the way her hair shone in the sunlight and fanned out behind her as they walked. No, he didn't blame anyone for looking.  
"Ruby?" The man stood. "Jesus Christ," he swore, scrambling at his coat, slung over the back of his chair. "Ruby!" He took a step towards her.  
She looked at him, her visioned tunneled and her breath caught.  
"Where have you been?" He was smiling. Sam didn't understand the danger he was in.  
She barely even mouthed his name. "Sam - don't."  
"Who is this guy - " His face fell, eyes on her neck. The bruises were finger shaped, he reached out for her. He looked disgusted.  
The Soldier had already yanked his arm from around her waist and embedded the knife in her friend's shoulder. Ruby's body felt limp; She couldn't move, she couldn't think.  
Sam, on the ground, had pulled a gun.  
"Ruby, get down!"  
She realized she was positioned between Sam and The Soldier. She begun to side-step, and stopped again. She couldn't let Sam shoot him, they had to capture him - rescue him. _Her_ nameless Soldier, she'd told him they would help him.  
"Ruby -" his voice right next to her ear grounded her. It was like she'd been in slow motion; Sound flooded back, she saw their surroundings properly. Everywhere people were running, screaming. Sam was shouting into his comm.  
"Run." He whispered.  
The Soldier took her wrist sharply, and turned, she fell in step with him as they fled back towards the motorcycle.  
He would return as soon as the panic in the city died down, later that evening. He would go without the girl, he knew where to go now, he couldn't risk her being recognised again. The man at the cafe could've been someone she met whilst under cover - unlikely. If he were a tourist or party-goer, he wouldn't have a gun. If he were part of Mr Rose's operation, he'd already know she was a spy. The Soldier suspected this man was affiliated with the girl's employers; part of her team, as she called them.  
***  
Steve arrived on the scene, it had been barely a minute since Ruby disappeared, but Sam was bleeding pretty heavily, his breathing was growing shallow. Steve couldn't pursue now, Sam needed a doctor. He half carried him to the car.  
"Are you sure it was her?" He asked, frowning at Sam's shoulder wound, easing him onto the backseat.  
"Hundred percent, Cap."  
"And - and she knew it was you?"  
"She said my name - AH!" He grunted as Steve packed the wound with gauze.  
"Keep the pressure on."  
"She was all bruised up. She look terrified -"  
Steve climb into the drivers seat and the engine roared to life, he glanced, before turning the opposite direction, towards where Sam said Ruby had gone.  
"Why'd she run?"  
***  
The Soldier threw her down against the cot.  
"You did well today little girl."  
He lifted her sundress and pulled her panties off, she climbed back onto her knees. He grabbed the back of her neck, and her arms buckled. She was stretched out in front of him, ass in the air completely exposed and face pressed into the mattress. He thrust into her in one stroke, as he expected, she was wet for him already. She mewled beneath him, pushing back onto his cock. He held her, skewered onto him, for a moment, moving his hands from her neck to her hips and used them as leverage for his brutal pace, pulling her hips back as he thrust forward. Beneath his metal hand, her skin was already bruising.  
The Soldier sucked his forefinger for a moment, loving the feeling of her body constricting around him. Slowing, but still buried in her pussy, he worked the tip of his finger against her asshole.  
"No!"  
He pushed in to the first knuckle, she cried out. He pushed in to the second joint and waited, moving his hips again to distract her. Her breath came in pants, then sighs. Slowly he pushed his digit into her all the way. The sound she made was uncertain.  
"Do you like that little girl?" He asked, wiggling his finger.  
"It hurts."  
"Brace yourself."  
He took the digit out of her and slid his cock from her pussy. She whimpered again as his cock butted against her asshole, lubricating it with her own arousal.  
"Please, it's too big."  
"You say all the right things."  
He rammed into her. Ruby screamed, so loud her ears felt like they popped. She'd never felt anything like it, like she was being torn in half. The pain made her nauseated, she writhed to get away but he just held her still.  
Ruby sobbed, until bit by bit - finally! - the initial pain subsided. It still burned and ached, but he held her less tightly, and her body grew used to him, stretched to accommodate his size. He slipped a hand between her legs and traced over her clitoris. Soon she was pushing herself into his hand, desperate for more pressure, more friction. He stayed completely still, letting her hips do all the work.  
Too late, Ruby realized he'd managed to make her fuck herself on his cock again. The more he worked her clitoris, the better he felt in her ass and she began to really buck against him.  
"I knew you'd like it."  
He moved his hips, pulling almost all the way out of her and slamming back in. Her moan echoed off the walls, a growl of frustrated in it that she had allowed her to succumb to desiring him, as she had every time. He thought he was rewarding her for their field work. Ruby moved faster, wanting him to come, wanting it to be over, before he could make her orgasm.  
Before he could think that she wanted any of the things he'd done to her body.  
She thought of Sam at the cafe; what if she'd stepped far enough for him to disable The Soldier? What if she'd run to him and gotten away? She imagined what The Soldier would've done after he'd killed Sam, and dragged her back to her cell, if this was a reward! And she imagined Sam's face, if he could see her and what she'd done with this man.  
Hot, silent tears trickled down her face. The Soldier didn't notice, he was close, not that he'd have cared if he could see her face.  
"I want you to come." He commanded, working his fingers at a furious rate.  
Ruby obeyed, she cleared her mind and let the sensation build. Her mouth dropped into a little o-shape as she breathed out the build up, tiny sounds escaping her.  
"Yes -" He grunted. "Come on."  
Finally, it hit her, she through her head back and rode the wave of her orgasm. The Soldier's hand traced over her throat, holding her uncomfortable, squeezing her windpipe shut again, as he spilled into her ass for the first time, claiming it.  
***  
"He's back." The General roared down the corridor.  
The guard trembled and nodded.  
"He brought the girl?"  
"She came willingly."  
The General shook his head, perhaps The Soldier had been more effective than they'd realised, but it was too late for that.  
"Is he in there?" The General snarled.  
"Yes sir." The guard replied, a tremor in his voice.  
"What's he doing to her this time?"  
"Uh - "  
The General rolled his eyes, unamused. "Give me your service weapon."  
_The guard handed over his gun and unlocked the cell door._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot opens up from here!

The Soldier eased off of Ruby. Her cell door was opening, anger gnawed the edges of him - how dare the guards interrupt an interrogation session!  
" _Soldat!_ "  
The voice of his commanding officer ripped through the still air in the small, sex scented room. His movements felt sluggish as he zipped himself up and turned to stand to attention.  
"Ready to comply?"  
"Ready."  
Ruby was curled on the cot still, The Soldier wished she'd sit up; she'd hiked her skirt back down but hadn't covered her lean legs. Her face was flushed, lips swollen and rosy.  
He wished she'd turn away, but instead her eyes bored holes into him, infrequently flicking to the General, confused.  
The General stretched out his hand and The Soldier reached for whatever he was to take. He looked at it mutely, a gun, pressed into his metal hand.  
"Execute the prisoner."  
Panic gripped him, stomach lurching, eyes swiveling from his commanding officer, to his captive.  
"Sir?"  
"She is no longer of use."  
"We could get more information from her."  
"I'm told you located the Vibranium. What more information do we need?"  
"I still have not found who sent her."  
"It matters not, if we have the product."  
"They could find us again."  
"Then we'd best leave them a clear warning to find."  
It was over. He'd be wiped, returned to a cell of his own to await his next mission. He would go years, perhaps, without seeing the sun again. The stasis they kept him was dreamless, feelingless, timeless; but when he awoke he'd have no memories, no sense of self. He'd hard built what little identity he was clinging to, and wasn't ready to give it up.  
"Y-yes sir."  
The Soldier turned to Ruby. She had been watching them speak, he was sure she understood Russian, she looked afraid. He took a handful of her hair; under normal circumstances her fingernails clawing at his hand, her frantic grunts and body writhing to get away would amuse him. He threw her onto the ground in front of the General and raised his weapon. She picked herself up onto her knees.  
He wished she'd look away.  
Sprawled before him in her sundress, her disguise for their day outside the compound, bruises shining on the faintest tan, hair tousled from sex and knees skinned from the cell floor, she was exquisite. She had been his, and he wished she'd shut her wide, wild eyes. They darted around the tiny cell, from his gun to the door, always back to him. Her eyes shone like the only source of light in the room, scared, and somehow betrayed as she scanned his face.  
She was really surprised that he would comply with an order to kill her, just because he had been inside her?  
"Now." The General sounded bored.  
He took the safety off and pointed the weapon at her forehead, his hand was always steady, he never missed.  
"Please -" She whispered.  
The General laughed. "They always beg for their worthless lives in the end."  
"Soldier, please." The flush in her cheeks had subsided, she was as pale and fearful as he'd ever seen her. So defiant for so long, and now at the end she thought tears would change his mind?  
He lowered the gun to look at her, slowly shaking his head.  
Ruby wasn't sure he was telling her no, there was nothing left to beg for.  
The Soldier, himself, wasn't sure if he was saying a final goodbye to his captive, or if he was saying no to his order. He'd never done that before, but didn't have time to consider it. The General saw him lower the weapon, he saw the moment of hesitation and understood it as The Soldier had been compromised.  
"Take him!" The General gave the order, and the door burst open. A team of only four had been sent to neutralize him. The Soldier mused that they should not have armed him first, or sent more men if they wanted to wipe and freeze him.  
Two shots and he was between his own men, and the girl. Two more and he had her on her feet and out the door. In the corridor, he pistol whipped the guard, who dropped. The General puffed behind him.  
Explosions echoed above them, guns fired.  
"Soldat! Comply!" He wheezed to keep up. "Stand down!"  
Ruby was barely even running beside him, just swept up in his wake. He kept an arm around her waist, and a gun firmly in his other hand.  
"I wont wipe you!" The General bellowed, and The Soldier slowed. "Yes! Wait. I'll send orders that you're not to be wiped this time, just -"  
A blast from above them caved in the stone walls that lead to the cells. The General was half buried. The Soldier, letting go of his captive, returned to him. He leaned over his commanding officer.  
"Help me -"  
"You will never let me go." The Soldier said, looking into his eyes. He took the General's gun from his holster, and turned away. The General gurgled but spoke no more. Gunfire echoed, The Soldier put the gun in her hand and dragged her onward. At the bottom of a staircase, a group of men cowered.  
"Soldat, they've come for the spy."  
The Soldier, still gripping Ruby by her upper arm, meant to move right past them and up the stairs.  
"Where is the General?"  
"Dead."  
"Then you will comply with my orders - the Americans have come for their spy, there are five of them. You will secure this building!"  
He gave no indication of even hearing but continued towards the gunfire, tentatively the men followed to aid in his orders.  
Rubble littered the scene, The Soldier's men exchanged fire. Ruby, who had no shoes, stepped on broken glass and cried out. The Soldier slung her over his shoulder.  
"Your orders are to engage with the enemy combatants, soldat! The spy is of no consequence."  
He laid her carefully behind a fallen pillar, covered from the gunfire. Ruby grabbed at him.  
"Don't kill them!"  
The Soldier's only goal was to get out intact. He lowered his gun again, as she pleaded for the lives of whoever had come for her.  
"Do you see them?" She tried to look over the pillar. "Is it - them?"  
"Stay down." He grunted, trying to push her out of sight again.  
"I've got eyes on her!" A female voice from across the debris field called. "Ruby!"  
"Natasha!" Ruby breathed it, The Soldier thought she spoke the name the way one might say a prayer. They'd seen her now, whether he'd intended to use her as a human shield, to trade for his freedom or take her with him, The Soldier's options were cut short.  
"Get him!" A labored scream from behind him ordered. The guard, sporting a bloodied and broken nose, no doubt from the butt of his own gun still in The Soldier's hand, had appeared. "He is compromised. He killed the General."  
He turned to run, reaching for his captive - his hostage? - But Ruby was gone. A bullet skimmed by him, something hard collided with his skull and hands grabbed him. He was hauled onto the ground, chains and restraints kept him there, where he could see through the debris and fire, and bodies. Ruby was running through it all, she'd almost reached the other side, her shots were neat even as she ran. He recognised one of the men she ran towards as the same one from outside the cafe.  
The Soldier had been neutralized, soon he'd be wiped - he wouldn't even remember her - and she was free.  
His men were still firing. Ruby was out of ammo, but only steps away from reaching cover again when a bullet found it's mark. The Soldier watched her fall like slow motion. Hair billowed out, limbs thrown outward, the spray of red that stained the wall she sought cover behind. As their eyes met, she groped at the bullet wound, even from a distance he could see how much blood there was. He was relieved to see how quickly her friends moved to her aid.  
They were parallels across a battlefield, laying as though they were side by side still. Her eyes found his face, as her people clamored to pull her to safety. He could see her lips move but not make out what she was saying, he thought perhaps it was "soldier."  
***

Ruby was breathing hard. The Soldier had dragged her into a firefight! She was barely even dressed! She'd cut her foot and he'd carried her, dumping her now behind a shattered marble pillar. The other men had said whoever was attacking had come for her. It had to be The Avengers. It had to be Steve, and Sam, after seeing her out on the street. She risked looking. The gunfire ruffled her hair, but she saw all she needed, to know she was safe. A flash of black and blonde. Her name screamed across the chaos.  
"Natasha!" She breathed to herself, like it was a conjuring spell for a savior.  
The guard from outside her cell had fallen with a sickening crunch after the Soldier knocked him out, but he'd dragged himself here to carry out his orders. It was his own men who took The Soldier out, and Ruby took her chance. She sprinted, barefoot and aching, across broken building parts and bodies strewn out. Sam's face swam before her, Steve at his side, Tony laying down cover fire from above. She was almost home, with the gun her Soldier had given her, she cut a path toward them.  
And then, blinding pain. Pain that eclipsed all other she'd felt while held in this building. Before any time had even passed she was lying on the hard, cold floor. Her rib cage cracked open, from what she could tell. Ruby crawled, as best she could toward where she thought she'd been running. Her muscles ached in protest, a fire spreading from her chest. She rolled over, hands drawn to the entry wound. In seconds they were soaked in bubbling, hot blood. It gushed through her fingers and drenched her dress,  
Her gaze crossed the expanse between them and found his face. She was on her front, he was on his back, but their eyes met. His men had taken him down, the General had talked about wiping him - she didn't know what that meant, but she knew from the way they'd run that he didn't want it. She'd promised him once that she'd help.  
Clint was beside her.  
Sam crouched and applied pressure to her wound, or was trying to pull her heart out through it, she couldn't tell which as she let out a scream. Natasha covering the three of them.  
The Soldier's head turned at her scream.  
Clint leaned low over her head. "Ruby, I'm so sorry." His eyes swam with tears.  
"It wasn't your fault."  
"I should never have let them get anywhere near you."  
"Clint, it -"  
A tear fell. "I'm sorry, we were partners and -"  
"Clint has barely slept since they took you, he's the one who found this place." Sam told her.  
Ruby pushed Clint out of her line of view, he was telling Sam he'd never have found it without him, she wasn't really listening. Her Soldier was still looking at her.  
She'd made a promise.  
"Save him -" She wheezed. "Save him -"  
"What?" Clint asked, casting a wary glance across to where The Soldier was cuffed.  
They pulled Ruby backward, behind cover again.  
"Please, help him!" She was sobbing.  
"Isn't he the one who -" Sam's eyes lingered, again, on her bruised throat.  
"We gotta go." Natasha said.  
Steve and Tony closed ranks toward them.  
"She okay?" Tony shouted.  
"She's been hit, lost a lot of blood." Sam called back.  
"Let's get out of here, what are we waiting for?" Tony quipped.  
Ruby was crying, Steve looked worried. "Is she in a lot of pain?" He shook his head. "What else have they done to her -"  
"It's not that -" Sam lowered his voice. "She _begged_ us to save one the other guys."  
"Another captive?" Steve stared over the dead space between them.  
"I don't think so, it was the guy I saw her with."  
Steve frowned, but then his eyes fell on the detained man, cuffed on the ground.  
" - Bucky?" He was utterly dumbfounded, Sam looked too, hoping for clarity.  
"Do - do you know this guy?"  
"It can't be -"  
"Cap, we gotta move her, now!" Natasha called over the gunfire.  
"Get her to the jet."  
As Ruby's eyes closed, she saw Sam and Steve darting toward her Soldier. What had Steve called him? It didn't make sense. Were they going to get him too? As she was lifted, the pain overwhelmed her, she would have screamed if she had the sense. Instead, passing out seemed like the right thing to do.  
***


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New territory, for The Soldier and the spy.

Ruby felt as though her head was stuffed with cotton wool, she couldn't bring herself to open her eyes but she didn't know where she was. The bed beneath her was soft but there was a low whir in the air like a soft breeze.  
"Shouldn't she be awake by now?"  
She knew that voice; half way through a whispered conversation.  
"Agent Barton, she's experience a great trauma. Physically we've done all we can, but the extent of her injuries - it might take her mind longer to recover."  
Ruby's hand grazed over a tube that stretched across her bedding and into her forearm.  
"The shooting -"  
"Not just that. Your agent shows classic indicators of torture."  
The soft hum of hospital machinery.  
"What!" Clint gasped, Ruby could imagine the way his hands shot to his throat. She'd tease him that he would clutch his pearls when appalled.  
"Externally, she had cuts and bruises from very recent beatings. She has scars from knife wounds, there are bite marks, cigarette _and_ taser burns, she's missing a tooth, and of course, no body is missing those finger-shaped bruises on her neck - clearly she was strangled, multiple times."  
Ruby heard the creak of a chair, she thought perhaps Clint had sat down, unable to stand.  
"And internally, Agent Barton this woman has been waterboarded, over and over, from the scarring on her lungs."  
"Jesus." Clint said weakly.  
"The worst of it -"  
"There's more?"  
"I'm afraid so, and it's why I'm asking you to sign this release. We need to give her a dose of a levonorgestrel -"  
"What - what is that?"  
"It's birth control, Agent Barton. Your agent here has been subjected to extreme sexual violence."  
"She was raped?"  
"Yes, I'm sorry to say."  
He knew, now they'd all know.  
Ruby finally opened her eyes, barely a fraction of a centimeter. She took in the room through the fan of her lashes; A doctor at the doorway was watching Clint, he was hunched over in a chair at her bedside. He looked drained, Ruby wondered how long he'd been there, if he'd slept.  
Clint signed a waiver, and returned the clipboard to the doctor. She withdrew a syringe from her pocket and pushed it's content through Ruby's IV.  
She turned her head toward him.  
"Ruby?"  
"Mm?" She exhaled.  
"Are you awake?"  
"Uh-uh." Yet to open her mouth to respond.  
Clint laughed and kissed her forehead. "How do you feel?"  
"I'll be honest, Clint. Not great."  
"You had us worried."  
"Not my intent."  
"I don't know what I'd have done if -"  
"Hey, I'm fine now."  
"Ruby, I'm so sorry -"  
"Don't start this again. I don't blame you. I got pinched because I was sloppy, not you. They thought they were doing you a favour by grabbing me -"  
"But - what happened -"  
"It's over." Her cheeks flushed as her mind was turned back to her Soldier. What had become of him, last she remembered, Steve and Sam were making moves to extract him. How did she ask? "Clint, did they -"  
"Sorry to interrupt." The doctor bustled back through. "The Captain wants to speak with her when she wakes up, I'll send for him now."   
"Can't it wait?"  
"It's urgent, and she'll likely be tired again soon."  
"Jeez." Clint muttered, as she exited. "Guess Steve's coming to visit then."  
Ruby stifled a yawn. "Strange or handsome?"  
Clint laughed again. "We don't see much of the doc, and I think you mean - Rogers?"  
With perfect timing, he was stood in the doorway. "Yeah?"  
"Oh, Steve. Hi. I was just letting her know you're on your way."  
"And here I am. Can I get a minute alone."  
"Cap, come on - she's literally just come round."  
"Not a request, Agent."  
Grumbling, and with an unsubtle shoulder barge, Clint left.  
"Hey kid."  
"Wha's going on?" She slurred, blinking at her surroundings.  
"You tried to clock off a little early."  
"Me?" Ruby grunted as she pulled herself into a seated position. "Never."  
"How are you feeling?"  
"Like I got hit by a train. Did I get hit by a train?"  
"Well, no. It was a bullet -"  
"Ouch." She placed her hand flat over her bandage torso.  
Steve smiled again, a little tightly.  
"He slept at all?" She asked, gesturing to Clint's chair, books and take out cartons piled beside it.  
"Not likely. He's here whenever anyone else visits, whatever the time."  
She cocked an eyebrow. "I'm a little disappointed you've not been pining at my bedside, but at least someone was."  
"My mind has been elsewhere, but next time I need to get some pining done, I'll come to you."  
"That better be a promise, Rogers."  
"Look, Ruby - I've got to ask you some uncomfortable questions -"  
Her smile faltered.  
"It's about - who was holding you captive."  
"I didn't tell them anything!"  
"No, no. Nothing like that. The man you asked us to save - "  
Ruby surged with adrenaline. "Is he safe?" She didn't know if she wanted Steve to say yes or no.  
"He is."  
Her heart rate only increased. She nodded.  
"What can you tell me about him?"  
"He's - Russian."  
He frowned. "Anything else?"  
"He's real - " She shook her head. "I thought, all these years, he was a legend. A bedtime story they tell to scare little assassins - Steve, they said he's The Winter Soldier."  
She waited, expecting shock, amazement, confusion but Steve dismissed her revelation with a shake of his head. "Did he tell you his name?"  
"No. He's just The Soldier - my Soldier -"  
Steve rubbed his forehead, his thoughts were miles away. "How can it be him -"  
"He's here?" A flutter erupted in her stomach, excitement or anxiety, she wasn't sure yet.  
"Yes. Ruby - he's not - not what you think."  
She cocked her head, waiting for him to continue. Steve struggled to get the words out. "I'm so sorry, Ruby. What he did - that is, what happened to you was - unforgivable."  
Silence hung between them.  
"Are you -"  
"Okay?"  
"Yeah."  
"I'll have to get back to you."  
The truth was, Ruby didn't know. She'd been The Soldier's captive for barely more than a fortnight, and had submitted to him completely. She hadn't spilled secrets or compromised her mission, she hadn't even given up her own identity to him. Her body submitted to him, awakening something in her she didn't know was there. A craving for him, a connection with him, it burned in her now.   
How was she to explain that to anyone?  
"I'm sorry - if you ever need someone -"  
"Thanks." Ruby felt a little tearful.  
"Can I ask one more thing?"  
"Okay."  
"Was it - him? He did these things to you?"  
"Every bruise, bite and break. The only thing he wouldn't do was put a bullet in me."  
"Wouldn't?"  
"He was ordered to execute me. It must have been minutes before you came - " her eyes glazed, if her Soldier hadn't hesitated.  
Steve looked excited. Despite what he'd learned in the last week, that Bucky had been a mercenary with no control over his own mind. Murder, espionage, treason. Despite what Steve had learned about him in the last two minutes, that Bucky had been prison guard to his friend, he'd tortured and raped; he was excited. He'd seen glimpses of recognition. Maybe there was something of his Bucky left to salvage. "So, towards the end, he wasn't just following orders? He was more himself?"  
"Himself? I don't know who _he_ is. What's going on, Steve?"  
"Listen, through some miraculous causality, the man you asked us to save is someone I thought I lost seventy-five years ago!"  
"Excuse me?"  
"I can't explain it. He is Bucky Barnes! My best friend -"  
Ruby gaped, frowning comically.  
"Hydra - they must have done something. He fell, and they must have found him. The arm, and the memory loss. That serum they'd been trying to develop, I guess it worked better than they thought because he's here -" Steve babbled, words flowing through his excitement.  
"Can I see him?"  
"He's not exactly Bucky again yet -"  
"I don't know who Bucky is." She snapped, coldly. "Can I see my Soldier?"  
"After what he did -"  
"It's not that simple."  
"I can't let you - you know, get your own justice, Ruby. He'll answer for his crimes, to a court -"  
"I wouldn't - please, I just want to see him."  
"I'll talk to the doctor."  
***

After a few more days of bed rest, Steve wheeled Ruby down to a secure medical facility on base.  
"He's a prisoner?"  
"Well, yeah -"  
She nodded. "I can take it from here." Ruby pulled herself up from the wheelchair and fastened her robe around pyjamas.  
"I'll be right outside."  
The frosted glass doors slid open. A different doctor ducked out, nodding politely to Steve as he passed.  
Ruby took several wooden steps forward, afraid of what she was about to see.  
The room was quiet and warm, clinical and scrubbed white. A curtain hung in front of her, she could his silhouette projected onto it, hear his soft breathing.  
"Who's there?" He called, speaking Russian. The doors slid shut, Ruby looked at Steve's worried face as she was concealed by them.   
They were alone.  
"I can hear you."  
"Hello Soldat."  
She pushed the curtain back. For a moment, neither of them moved or spoke, then The Soldier laughed, a short, guttural burst.  
"I knew you could understand Russian." He shook his head, then dropped his gaze.  
She studied him for a moment. He was stripped of his tactical clothing, no leather, no weapons. In grey sweats and a white teeshirt, he should have looked like any other guy, maybe someone she'd seen at the gym, but his familiarity was overwhelming. Her skin tingled.  
"My captive, now I am your's?" Raising his arms as much as he could. Someone had strapped him to the hospital bed.  
She tilted her head. "And what if you were?"  
"You owe me pain."  
"It's not a debt that can be repaid."  
"Why have you come?"  
"I - I -" She almost told him.  
He smirked. Even without words, he knew. "You needed to see me, but what I don't know is why. Justice? To see me in chains?"  
She flushed, looking away from his bound wrists.  
"That's not it though, is it? The other reason."  
"Stop it."  
"You missed me?"  
"No!"  
"Admit it little girl, the first thing you thought of, waking up this morning, was seeing me."  
"I've been conscious, from the surgery I needed to fix the bullet hole your men put in me, for a week."  
"And everyday, you wished to come to me," He smiled wickedly. "Perhaps you wished to come for me?"  
Ruby tugged open her robe, impulse and urges taking charge, beneath it she wore a silky camisole and shorts. "Perhaps it's time you were the one wishing?"  
She climbed on his bed, her knees on either side of broad thighs. She breathed a kiss over his lips, curled into a smirk.  
Her hands raked through her hair, down her still bruised neck - showcasing to him his handiwork. Across her shoulders, slipping the straps of her camisole off, she grazed down over her breasts, pausing at her hardening nipples to pull taut the silky fabric. She tilted her head back and let out a sigh of pleasure, pulling at her nipples, remembering how his hands felt on them.   
Beneath her, she felt him growing hard, his hips rocked upward to met her and she pushed back against him. A grunt escaped in a out breath, his hands strained to reach her, red welts appeared beneath his cuffs. He'd tear the sides off the bed if they weren't careful. Her fingers ghosted under the hem of her camisole, she pulled it up, the bandage over her wound showing and dropped it again sharply.  
Ruby climbed down.  
"Let me taste you before you leave."  
"Beg me." Her eyes were quizzical.  
"Please, little girl."  
"That isn't my name."  
"Ruby."  
She kissed him, his teeth pulled on her lip. Her hands pressed into his firm chest, and he trailed kisses down her jawbone, over her throat, nipping at the bruised flesh.  
"What do they call you?"  
"Bucky - I think."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Funny how things turn out.

"Tony, go away."  
"I just want you to be okay - "  
"I AM okay!"  
"Will you just set up an appointment with -"  
"I'm going for a run."  
"It'll take two minutes -"  
"Then I'll do it when I've got two minutes spare."  
"You need to talk to someone about what happened -"  
Ruby rounded on him. "Because you never underwent any specialist training, I will tell you what mine said about dealing with survivors of sexual trauma in a warzone; not everyone needs to talk about it afterwards, and even the ones that do have to figure it out in their own time! So stop pushing!"  
"I'm trying to help, it would be great if you didn't keep yelling at me."  
Ruby sighed, still furious but spoke measuredly. "For me, it would be great if you gave me some time to get my head around things."  
"Well, are you sure you should be running, so soon after surgery?"  
Ruby put her hands on Tony's shoulder's and shook him slightly. "Stop." She almost laughed. "I will only walk quickly, if that eases your mind."  
He tapped her chin. "Please think about the psychiatrist."  
***  
The grounds that surrounded the compound were vast and isolated, Tony was right, she couldn't run well. She half jogged about half a mile, then walked, breathing hard and holding the chainlink fence until she reached a wooded area. Ruby sat heavily on a fallen tree, she looked out over the grounds. Behind her was woodland, dark and dense. A rich, earthy smell filling her nostrils. Ahead was springy, bright grass stretching a mile ahead towards the buildings and landing pads of Tony's upstate Avengers facility. The only sounds this far from the generators was the rain hitting the leafy canopy.  
A shiver run up her spine, a twig snapped behind her. She tensed, but not soon enough. Someone leapt from the tree coverage, tackling her from her spot and pressing her down into the damp earth, she tried to turn her head to catch a breath but a cold, metal hand on her neck fixed her in place.  
"You ought to be more careful." He breathed in her ear. The shiver run down her spine again, and a heat ignited between her thighs. He let her turn, only so he might nibble on her earlobe.  
"Let me up."  
"I don't think so."  
With his flesh hand, The Soldier peeled her yoga pants down, she lifted her hips to help him. His fingers curled over the front of her panties, rubbing softly for just a moment. He tugged them sharply to the side and then she felt his rock hard cock pressing at her entrance.  
He let go off her neck, and pulled her onto her hands and knees, slamming into her. Ruby let out a moan, pushing back onto him, burying him in her.  
No one would hear them.  
She panted and tensed around him. Her bodily aches faded away, only the sensation of him stretching her out. He thrust roughly, catching her g-spot without effort. He was always so deep, so hard. She ached around him in the most exquisite way, and ached more still when he wasn't filling her.  
The truth was, the only time her mind quietened was when he was fucking her.  
"Do you like that?" He grunted, keeping up a brutal pace.  
"Yes." She whispered back.  
"Is it too hard?"  
"Yes."  
He always made her sore, sometimes for days. He took a handful of her hair. "Should I let you come?"  
"Please."  
He pulled her hair, yanking her head back with it. "Kiss me."  
She turned, as best she could without him slowly or stopping, and he released her hair, covered her mouth with his own, tongue sloppily slipping between her lips. His hands slid onto her neck, squeezing softly.  
She broke the kiss and whispered "please, I'm coming -"  
He squeezed her throat again. "As you asked so nicely."  
His metal hand clamped down over her mouth as she began to come, her back arched until she was rocking back and rising onto her knees. The Soldier held her flat against his body, fingers tweaking her nipples, ghosting over her clit.  
As she wound down, he breathed in her ear "say my name."  
"Bucky." She hissed. He pumped harder, holding her still and tight. "Oh, god. Bucky."  
He came undone at her words and spilled himself inside her.  
***

They walked back across the grass together. Sometime Ruby couldn't bare to look at him afterwards, let alone speak to him. Sometimes, she wanted to be around him and enjoy the afterglow.  
"Steve let you out again, huh?"  
"A change in scenery aids my recovery." He told her dully, repeated something a doctor had undoubtedly told him.  
"You're Bucky, -" she tapped his temple, " up there, today?"  
"I guess so. I remember more of his - my life, than anything else."  
"Didn't think Bucky did that sort of thing -" she cast her eyes back towards the fallen tree.  
"I think that was exactly the sort of thing he - I! - I dedicated my time to, before the war."  
She smiled ruefully.  
"I'm somewhere in between Steve's Bucky and your Soldier." He admitted. "I don't know what that means."  
"You will."  
"My therapist keeps saying that."  
Ruby laughed.  
"You're better therapy than all the talking in the world."  
"Don't go falling in love with me."  
"Maybe it's too late for that." He grinned.  
Ruby stopped dead, eyes fixed on the compound. She could see people moving in the upstairs windows, and wondered if they'd been spotted together yet.  
"Rubes?" He nudged, touching her arm.  
"Get your hands off me!" Ruby screamed, she lashed out as though she were fighting for her life. Her nails slashed his cheeks, and he threw his arms up to protect himself. She breathed deeply, slipping into a offensive stance, and rather than nails and terror, she executed a targeted attack.  
One strike to the throat silenced him, another blow, square in the jaw, dropped him to the ground.  
Ruby kicked him for good measure, and stormed inside.  
She trembled, as though freezing, a small stampede of the medical team rushing past.  
"Ruby! What the heck?" Steve was jogging after them.  
"You brought him here!"  
"Because you asked me to -" Steve was bewildered.  
"As if! The second you saw him, he was coming to be _saved_ with the rest of us, regardless of what he's done!"  
"What's going on?" Natasha appeared, she put her arm around a shaking Ruby.  
"She knocked him out again."  
"Can you blame her?"  
"It's not his fault -"  
"Is it mine?" Ruby screamed, cursing the tears forming in her eyes.  
"You know that's not what I'm saying at all! What happened -"  
"What he did!"  
"What The Soldier did, Ruby, that wasn't him -"  
"I stared into those eyes every day, felt that - that hand!" She shuddered, "creeping over my skin - "  
"The Soldier will pay for his crimes with his life, Ruby. Once Bucky recovers, he wont even exist anymore."  
"And until that day, I will defend myself however I see fit."  
"He's recovering from mind control -" Steve was exasperated. "A blow to the head wont help."  
Natasha raised her eyebrows, her head had been bobbing back and fourth with the verbal volleys. "Come on sweetie, you're cover in mud."  
Ruby looked at her damp, dirty knees and mud-caked palms, and blushed.  
***

"I deserved it." Bucky sighed, pushing the doctors hands away. He hopped down from the bed, no serious damage this time. Maybe she was taking it easy on him.  
"Come on, Buck." Steve rolled his eyes.  
"What I did to her -"  
"That wasn't you though."  
"You can understand why she doesn't see it that way."  
Steve shook his head. "It's just such a shame - "  
"The whole thing is, man."  
"What happened to her, jeez. What happened to you."  
"The therapist says to be grateful for the positive things that came from this experience."  
"Oh yeah?" Steve cocked a brow.  
"I'm not dead."  
Steve laughed, "is that it?"  
"No, you doof. I mean, you thought I died. Back in '44, on that train. You thought I was dead."  
"Yeah."  
"And I'm not. We're here, together."  
"Fighting the good fight."  
"Fighting an uphill battle." Bucky's thought drifted unhappily back to Ruby lashing out, again.  
"She'll come around, bud." They climbed the steps to the living quarters.  
"She doesn't have to. Maybe - maybe it would just be better if I left?"  
"We've talked about this; unless you're here, you're in jail."  
"That's where I belong, isn't it?"  
"You're not him. She'll see that one day." Steve swiped a hand nervously through his neat hair. "jeez, I hope she sees it."  
Bucky tilted his head, he saw Steve's small smile and flushed cheeks. He sighed internally and painted on a smirk. "Oh yeah? Miss Ruby's caught your eye, huh?"  
"Well - I mean - " He grinned, "I know it's completely inappropriate, and now's not the time but, before all this - I was so looking forward to working with her, just seeing her again and then - "  
"I messed up your shot."  
"Buck, come on, seriously. Stop blaming yourself."  
"Sorry, yeah. It's just, bit of a buzzkill if your best mate's - well, you know."  
"Yeah." Steve looked pensive, a little uneasy. He pressed his palm against the scanner at his door to let them inside." Yeah. Maybe for the best if I just let it go."  
Bucky was inclined to agree, how long would he get to have liaisons in the forest if she dated Steve? He knew he was being selfish, he didn't deserve her, after everything that had happened, carrying on with him wasn't going to help her at all. The problem was, it helped him. He wished - and she had said it was his turn to wish - he wished it was him agonizing over something as simple as asking her to dinner. That could never happen, for him. He had to keep his distance, he had to let her go. He shook his thoughts away. "Don't think like that. It's just, how do you ask her?"  
"Right? There's no guidelines for this situation."  
"I say go for it. Just ask her out. What's the worst that could happen?"  
"She spends the whole night screaming?"  
"Hey, that sounds like best case scenario."  
"At me!"  
"What girl wouldn't want to be Captain America's girl?" Bucky said brightly, clapping Steve on the back.  
He turned away to hide his discontent.  
***


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therapy-shemerapy!

Ruby had been caught off guard when Steve asked her out to dinner. She'd been even more surprised when it turned out to be candlelit Italian he'd made himself, as she'd expected he wanted to discuss her treatment of his friend.  
Bucky.  
That's what they were all to call him now. Pay no mind to the things he'd done, and not just to her! Over the last fifty years he'd murdered his way round the globe, but that was all forgiven, because SHIELD doctors found the evidence that he'd been neural-programmed, cryogenically frozen, pumped full of off-brand Super Serum. The actions of The Soldier were lain at the feet of Hydra, as far as Ruby could tell, a defunct Russian intelligence agency from World War Two era.  
They were all super soldiers and spies in the Avengers compound.  
No room for personal pain.  
But he didn't mention Bucky at all. They talked, drank wine, laughed. It came as a shock to her, arriving at her own suite on base, that she'd had a good time.  
Steve kissed her goodnight, he was gentle and sweet. He asked to see her again and she said yes.  
Natasha was all over it.  
"So?"  
"So what?"  
"So - everything!"  
"It was nice."  
"Nice?"  
"Yeah, he's a nice man."  
"You're killing me."  
"It was dinner, then we watched a movie! It's not nerve-shredding stuff while I'm stuck in the compound on medical grounds."  
Natasha shrugged.  
"We ate dinner - he cooked dinner. Steve's a good cook."  
"I don't care if he's a good cook, is he a good kisser?!"  
Ruby thought of the forceful, lust-filled kisses she'd shared with Bucky since they arrived at the compound together. Away from prying eyes, their dirty little secret, only half aware of their actions. Kisses were never foreplay, they were bargaining, or pressed on one another in a fit of passion. She blushed, imaging what Natasha would say if she told her.  
Steve's kiss was nothing like that. Sweet and chaste, like him.  
"Yeah." She chirped.  
Natasha stared, dumbfounded. "You're blushing!"  
"I mean, he was different."  
"Different how? Different from who?" She gasped. "Is that why you're blushing, you sneaky ho-bag! You've been kissing someone else?"  
"Nat, come on. It's been barely three months since I was locked in a dungeon. Dating is a weird concept for me."  
"You are deflecting from the question! Who is he?"  
"No one! No one, okay? I just meant different from what I've been used to. He's old fashioned, you know?"  
She scowled, unconvinced. "You can work with old fashioned."  
It was Ruby's turn to shrug.  
"And hey, next date is the third date, right?"  
"So?"  
"So!? You know what that means right, when you're old fashioned?" Natasha nudged her, grinning.  
"Behave yourself. Steve isn't like that."  
"What, a man?"  
"Come on!"  
"Sweetie, he was in army - Captain America is a persona the US government made up to sell bonds! Boy's bound to have a dark side."  
Ruby mulled this over. She certainly liked her men with a dark side these days. "I don't know -"  
"Why not?"  
She thought of Bucky. Her Soldier. It was hardly dating, she couldn't even imagine how it could ever be a real relationship, with how it started. The thought was so preposterous, she almost laughed out loud, picturing introducing him to her parents. But - she couldn't help herself. Somehow being with him, feeling how his body and movements changed as his mind did, helped her. With every frenzied, insatiable fuck, she could feel The Soldier disappearing.  
"Maybe I'm just not ready."  
"I heard the nurses talking." Natasha admitted, she said it all very quickly. "I was in the clinic last week, you got an IUD put it."  
"Nat!"  
"What?" Natasha pouted defensively.  
"That's private."  
"It's not like I meant to overhear."  
Ruby sighed.  
"But you know, since I do know, that sounds pretty ready to me."  
***  
"Thanks for a lovely evening, Steve." Ruby stood awkwardly.  
Another date, another meal in the common area kitchen.  
He smiled bashfully. "Just wait 'til I can actually take you out some place."  
"Oh yeah, where you going to take me?"  
"Anywhere you wanna go."  
She laughed and stacked their plates.  
"I'll do that -"  
"No, no. You cooked, I'll clean."  
He watched happily as she busied herself the other side of the kitchen island.  
"So, I was thinking maybe we could watch a movie?"  
"Sure."  
"Up in my room?"  
Ruby paused for a moment, mid-pour of washing up liquid. She remembered what Natasha had said. "Okay."  
"Okay?" A hint of panic in his voice. "Great!"  
"Shall we open another bottle of wine?"  
"Definitely. I'll go grab a good one, from Tony's personal supply, yeah?"  
She smiled at him over her shoulder, he beamed back and then turned sharply when he saw her face fall.  
Bucky had sauntered in, sweats and no shirt, rubbing sleep from his eyes.  
Ruby's breath hitched. She had never seen him in so little clothes. There usually wasn't time to undress during their trysts. He was spectacular; rippling muscles, toned and lean. His metal arm, she saw for the first time it was the hole arm, connected at his shoulder in a shower of vivid red scarring. Ruby closed her mouth and quickly turned back to the sink. Ruby wondered if it hurt still, she wondered if she hoped it hurt.  
"Oh." He stopped dead. "Sorry."  
"You just got up, Buck?"  
"Uh, yeah - bit of a night owl, me."  
Steve laughed nervously, Bucky didn't. His eyes on Ruby's back, face dead set.  
"I'm interrupting."  
"We're just finishing up." Ruby told him curtly.  
"Yep, so kitchen will be all your's in a sec." Steve moved a little closer to her instinctively.  
"Steve, honey, why don't you go get that wine and set up the movie? I'll meet you upstairs when I'm done with this."  
Steve glanced at the little stack of dishes, to Bucky in the doorway. "You sure?"  
She smiled tightly and nodded.  
Steve pecked her on the cheek and threw Bucky what he hoped was a warning glance.  
Silence filled up the room, and she plunged the first pot into the soapy water. He moved close behind her, smelled the perfume she had put on for Steve, the soft tint of lipstick she'd put on for Steve. The pretty, little dress he imagined her taking off, for Steve.  
"What's your game - honey?" He purred in her ear, hands sneaking over her hips. "You trying to make me jealous?"  
"I didn't know you'd be here."  
Bucky pressed a kiss where her jaw met her neck, where knew it drove her wild.  
"He's my best friend, Ruby."  
"What do you want me to do?" She turned, his arms on either side of her on the sink, trapping her between it and his body.  
"I want you all to myself."  
"Oh yeah, you going to ask me to dinner as well?"  
"I don't want you for that."  
"Well maybe I don't _want_ to wanted, for what you want."  
Bucky laughed and stepped into the space between her feet, his fitted between her's with ease. She whimpered as he slowly pressed his growing bulge against her pussy. "Then why are you legs already open for me?"  
"Stop." She hissed.  
"Make me."  
Ruby pushed hard against his chest. He was solid, unmovable and muscular. She melted into him, so warm. His lips caught the corner of her's.  
"What if someone sees?"  
She felt him smile against her neck, her hands slid down his pecs, over his abs. She desperately wanted to explore his body, skin to skin, exposed like this. She was all but overwhelmed by the urge to do so right there and then, with her tongue.  
"Captain America's girl, wrapped around a scoundrel."  
She shushed him and glanced towards the door.  
"Kiss me." His voice was pleading. He moved back a step, respectfully, and held her gently in his arms.   
"I have to go."  
"Ruby, please."  
"I can't - I'm on a date with someone else."  
Bucky let her go.  
"I'm sorry." She said, turning back to look at him.  
"Tell me that in the morning, if you still mean it."  
***


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The perfect gentleman.

It was early, the whole compound was filled by an air of sleep, fuzzy and still. The silence felt heavy, even the chirping birds beyond glass walls was dulled by the slow climate inside. Ruby padded barefoot across the concrete. Maybe it was just her head that was fuzzy - well, that and her teeth. She'd had too much wine. Opening a second bottle didn't effect Steve, but she got loose and giggly; she'd talk instead of watching the film he'd picked out, Steve had found her cute and amusing, however much she insisted she was being annoying and should leave. When she'd grown tired, he'd given her a teeshirt - Ruby cringed, remembering his attempts for her modesty and her lack there of. She'd all but given him a strip tease to get out of her dress and heels. Too embarrassed, and desperate for coffee, she'd left both behind and wandered now in Steve's shirt, miles too big for her. She plucked at it, all the muscles he packed into it made it look so tight and small, and on her it hanged like a dress.  
Colour rose in her cheeks again as she approached the kitchen, she groaned, realising she'd abandoned the washing up she'd promised to do, and would have to do it now. Her thoughts drifted to Bucky in there the night before. She hadn't slept with Steve, deep down she thought she was never going to that night, but when she'd seen Bucky, she wanted him to think she might.  
He'd asked her not to, he'd begged her to kiss him. Ruby wondered what would have happened if she'd left with him instead, but shook the thoughts from her head. What could happen, with him? Nothing. He wasn't capable of caring about her. The Soldier had seen her as property and with him gone, Bucky thought of her as therapy. What was left when he was better?  
And yet, he'd joked it was too late for him not to fall in love with her. Joked! Ruby chastised herself.  
Her bubble of solitude was well and truly burst, by Bucky - she wondered why he always appeared whenever she thought of him - lounging on a stool at the breakfast bar, a fresh pot of coffee in front of him and the newspaper spread out. He was frowning as he read and didn't notice her approach.  
"Good morning Sargent Barnes."  
He glanced up, almost smiling and performed at small double take at what she was wearing. Right behind him on the other counter was her small pile of washing up, done and drying. Ruby softened, she knew it was him.  
She couldn't help but inhale his scent, he was freshly showered, damp hair curling at his broad shoulders, still in sweats but had put on a loose shirt. He smelled of clean linen and shampoo, the coffee mingling in the warm air.  
"You're up early." She pressed on.  
"Never went to sleep."  
"Oh right - night owl."  
"Looks like you didn't make it to bed either." With a withering look.  
"Bucky, about last night -"  
"You don't need to tell me anything."  
"I wanted to say - I am sorry."  
She held his gaze. Icy blue eyes, they shone a little with moisture and he looked away.  
"I told you not to say that unless you meant it."  
"I did! - I do."  
"Where did you sleep last night?"  
"Does it matter? I just slept."  
"In whose bed? Not your own, was it?" Bucky stood and turned away. He was hurt and angry, last night he hadn't really believed she'd spend the night with Steve, not after they'd seen each other, but jealousy exploded in him as he realised - of course she'd chose Steve over him. A few secret sex sessions - hate fucks, he supposed - didn't undo what had happened to her by his hand.  
Ruby's eyes bored into the back of his head, she felt it was rich of him to be disgusted at her. "I'm telling you, I just slept over."  
"Too tired to get back upstairs?" He spat the words at her. "I guess a good fuck always did make you sleepy."  
"Don't -" she said softly, brows knitting together.  
"Why not? Last night, I said that to you; don't." He looked sad, but his fist clenched. "I practically begged you -" metal met metal. Bucky's fist ploughed into the draining board on the sink.The outline of his knuckles branded into it. The dishes bounced and clanked, he swept them furiously off the side onto the floor where plates and glasses shattered.  
"Stop - stop"  
Ruby leapt to avoid the flying glass.  
"Oh, don't worry. You've got Steve to clean up the mess."  
"Hey, fuck you -"  
"Fuck me?" He raised his eyebrows comically, voice dripping in sarcasm. "Oh, I don't see that happening anytime soon. Gone and got yourself an upgrade."  
"What is this? I just fell asleep at Steve's - I had too much wine."  
"Steve never did have much of a way with the ladies - I never had to ply you with booze to get you into bed - well, on all fours near one."  
"Because you raped me!"  
The words hung in the air between them. Blunt, and true. Bucky reeled like he'd been slapped.  
"You're right."  
Ruby watched his expression change; he'd gone from angry, to shocked, to now - pain etched over every inch of his face. She reached for him but he grabbed her wrist.  
"Ruby, you're right. You need to get as far away from me as possible."  
He dropped her hand sharply, her skin tingled where they'd touched. Bucky brushed past her, his demeanor now that of a moody teen, he slouched away leaving the mess - and more importantly, - his coffee behind.  
She refilled his cup, she turned to drink from the other side and was met with lipstick. Her own from the previous night. She traced her fingers over where Bucky's lips would've touched the cup then over her own, imagining he'd done the same thing with her lipstick stain.  
Ruby sighed and pressed her fingers against her eyes.  
***

"Hey bud!"  
Steve had a skip in his step. Bucky didn't acknowledge him and continued his assault on the punching bag. Of course - of course!! - She had chosen Steve. He had a good heart, when they were younger, girls always over looked how kind he was. They only saw a short guy with skinny arms and asthma. That wasn't the case now. Steve would protect her, from monsters like him.  
"Sleep well?"  
Bucky bristled.  
"Look, sorry about last night. I didn't mean to be so stand-offish, but - you know, I didn't want Ruby getting upset over -"  
"I get it. It's fine." Bucky grunted.  
"You sure?"  
"I said it's fine."  
Steve frowned. He watched the punching bag groan in punishment, if Bucky kept up the pace he'd tear it clean off the fixture.  
"Buck, you want someone to spar with? Something tells me Tony wouldn't be thrilled if you rip this place apart."  
Bucky's eyes were dark and malevolent. Steve was his friend - his best friend, but he'd won Ruby, the only thing Bucky really wanted, so why couldn't Bucky beat him at this?  
They circled slowly on the sparring mat.  
"You sure you're okay?" Steve asked, bobbing up and down.  
Bucky charged inward, fists raised. Steve blocked the punches as best he could. They were evenly matched, but Bucky was putting some power behind it today and almost completely towards his face. He drove Steve to one side of the mat, only for Steve to push him back, striking blows to the torso.  
Bucky grunted, doubling over, and Steve flattened him to the mat. Steve grinned, Bucky pinned. The foam spilled out as Bucky's fingers raked across the mat.  
"Do you yield?"  
The metal arm whirred, Steve felt as though his jaw was cracked in two. He was on his front, spots before his arms when the metal arm snaked around his neck. He tapped out on the floor, but Bucky continued to squeeze.  
Steve spluttered and tapped again.  
He brought elbow up sharply and collided with Bucky's ribs, forcing him to let go.  
"What are you doing?" He rubbed his neck.  
Bucky had already picked himself up off the floor. He extended a hand to Steve and pulled him to his feet. Steve frowned, Bucky's eyes were unfocused, his mind miles away.  
"Good match, Buck." He said loudly.  
Bucky breathed hard, pacing.  
"What's going on with you?"  
"Nothing."  
"You seem edgy."  
"A lot on my mind."  
"Look, if you wanna talk - "  
" - I'll go to the therapist, yeah?"  
Steve laughed, concern only somewhat abated.  
"So, what's going on with you?" Bucky tried to sound breezy.  
Steve beamed. "Not much."  
"Yeah, looks like it. Sleep with a hanger in your mouth?"  
"She's great - you know?"  
"Who?"  
"Oh, come off it, you know who!"  
"Right, of course." Bucky gritted his teeth to say her name. "Ruby."  
Steve was practically bouncing as they walked.  
"So, uh, how was your date in the end then?"  
"Amazing! I think she was embarrassed about being drunk though, she left before I woke up."  
"Oh - hey. Stayed the night, eh?" He knew his voice sounded flat. Luckily Steve's excitement made up with his lack of it.  
"Nothing like that -A gentleman never kisses and tells anyway!"  
Bucky said nothing, seething. So, there was something to tell after all? Of course. How could Steve not want her, she was beautiful and fierce. A warrior. Bucky bristled, Steve would never know how strong she truly was. How primal. But Steve was a chance at civility, she obviously didn't want to feel animalistic, rolling in the dirt with him anymore.  
Steve chuckled. "She spilled wine on her dress, so I gave her a shirt to put on. I thought she'd go in the bathroom to change, but she just - unzipped and, I don't even know, wiggled out of it -"  
Bucky didn't want to hear anymore, Steve was too caught up in his memories.  
" - Wowzah!"   
"Steve, listen -"  
"No, no. I know. I wont say anymore."  
"It's not that I'm not - happy for you, it's just - "  
The penny dropped, Steve looked solemn. "It's her."  
"Yeah."  
"And what _he_ did to her?"  
Bucky's head drooped.  
"It wasn't you."  
"Yeah. It wasn't me." He repeatedly dully.  
"She knows it too, don't worry -"  
"I don't know -"  
"It'll be fine. We've just got to get you a girl. You'll feel like your old self again, soon as you're chasing skirt -"  
"Look, man. I should take off - "  
And just like that, Bucky was gone again. Steve stared after him, he didn't know where they were walking to anyway so he shrugged, and turned around to the gym again.  
***


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's now or never, kid.

Tonight was the night!  
It had to be the night. Ruby had already made Steve wait so long. He'd been kind, he'd been patient, he'd been understanding. He'd been - Steve.  
Dinner after dinner, he walked her back to her room and kissed her at the door. They'd walk in the grounds hand-in-hand. His arm snaked round her shoulders during movies. Steve couldn't get his head around it, the more she pulled away, the gentler he made his moves, but it was almost like that was part of the problem.  
Like part of her didn't want to feel safe.  
He'd planned for them to have a games night; Clint, Natasha, Sam and Bruce were all in joining them in the communal area of the compound. He'd invited her to meet him for a drink, and they'd head down there together.  
Ruby planned for them not to make it to the gaming part of the evening. She slid into a lace teddy and stiletto heels, then put on her coat to cross the courtyard.  
Steve beamed at her as he opened the door. She moved to pull open her coat, but her hands froze.  
"Come in."  
"I - no -"  
"No?" Steve's face crumpled in confusion.  
"I can't -"  
"What's wrong?"  
"I can't do this, Steve."  
"The game night?" He knew she didn't mean just that night.  
"No." Ruby looked miserable. "This. Us."  
"I know." He sighed.  
"I'm so sorry - you know it's not you, right?"  
"It's not me, yeah? It's you." He smiled humorlessly. "You're not the first girl who's said that to me, but you're the only one I'll ever believe."  
"I'm just not ready -"  
Ruby couldn't imagine opening up to Steve about the things she felt. She knew he knew the outline of what had happened to her, but trying to picture telling him the details made her heart race. The details of what had happened since, how she felt.  
"Because of - him?" He wished Ruby could see The Soldier and Bucky as two different people, but he understood.  
"Because of Bucky." She corrected. He didn't know she was correcting him about who was the reason she couldn't sleep with him, yet.  
"I'll be here," he shrugged, "when you're ready."  
She reached up on tip-toes to kiss his cheek. "Thank you."  
"You still going to come down later?"  
"Can I?"  
"We'll always be friends, whatever else happens."  
"I'll be there." She gave a half shrug.  
He smiled, affectionately. "So, can I at least know what's under the coat?"  
Ruby laughed, he'd caught that. "Trust me, it'll be easier if you don't know."  
"You're killing me, kid." He bit his knuckle as he watched her walk away.  
Ruby took a wrong turn, she wanted to go back to her room and change, maybe poke her head in and grab Natasha if she could, but she exited the elevator and sighed, she boarded the wrong one. Her heart hammered, at the end of the hall was a walkway over the courtyard, she could cross it and be back at her room in no time.  
To get to it, she had to pass a stairwell to the gym, and Bucky's room.  
They'd barely spoken since that morning in the kitchen when he'd smashed all the plates. Ruby got the feeling he'd been avoiding her.  
She couldn't hide in the doorway all night, so she rushed toward the walkway, heels clicking, coat billowing out behind her. She gabbed at the straps to stop it opening, tugging it lose to re-tie.  
"I wasn't expecting to find this on my doorstep."  
She froze, cursing her timing. Bucky had come out of the stairs, he was clad in gym clothes and dripping in sweat. He dropped his bag and smirked.  
"Hey sweet thing." His eyes roved over her. "Taking Steve a little teatime treat?"  
She yanked her coat closed tightly. "We broke up."  
Bucky stopped smirking. "Why?"  
"None of your business -"  
"Because of me then."  
"Not everything is about you -"  
He snaked closer, backing Ruby against a wall, "because he didn't want to be with someone his best friend had first?"  
"Shut up!"  
"Ah, because you couldn't bring yourself to let him touch you."  
He was looming right above her and she raised her fists.  
"I said shut up -"  
Bucky leaned forward and kissed her, roughly, passionately, like he'd been longing for it. Ruby's body relaxed into him, her fists uncoiled and she wrapped her arms around his neck.  
Her coat fell open and Bucky's hand traced over the teddy; her throat, her breasts, her hips, onto her ass. He lifted her and she brought her legs up around his waist. The teddy was pulled to one side and Bucky was nudging at her entrance before she even knew it.  
Gasping for air, she broke the kiss. "Not here!"  
Bucky pulled her from the wall and carried her the last few paces to his bedroom door. He turned her to close it behind them and pressed her back up against it, finally pushing into her.  
"Faster." She whispered.  
He eased slowly almost all the way back out, and the inched his entire length in again.  
Frustrated, Ruby rolled her hips.  
"Bucky, please." She moaned, hot breath against his ear. "Please, I need you."  
He slammed into her, hard but slow. He wanted to feel every second of it.  
Ruby tipped her head back in ecstasy.  
Over and over he thrust, deep as he could and right back out, he'd take a beat then slam into her again. She bounced on him, only her thighs and his hands griping her ass holding her up, meeting each stroke and getting him deeper. Her moans slipped out, her head banged against the door.  
Bucky kissed her, her tongue slid into his mouth, her fingers raked through his hair.  
It didn't take long for Ruby to come, she breathed his name, nails digging into his shoulders.  
Spectacular.  
Bucky emptied himself, holding her close.  
***

Natasha darted forward, she'd seen Ruby just ahead coming from the opposite corridor disappear round a corner. Catching up, she heard raised voices. Who was Ruby talking to? She listened hard, peering round to catch a glimpse.  
Bucky!  
She heard Ruby say she and Steve weren't seeing each other any longer, and she heard Bucky's snide comment in response. She wondered if they were always like this. She almost felt bad for snooping too, but she was a spy.  
Spies spy.  
Natasha was just about to leap from her hiding spot and save Ruby from an uncomfortable conversation when she saw Bucky swoop on her friend, - some habits die hard, she seethed! After all the therapy and treatments, the assurance from doctors and Steve that Bucky was safe to be around them, and still, The Soldier could get his hands on Ruby! - but before she could even move to stop this assault, Natasha saw Ruby lean into the kiss, wrap herself around him.  
Natasha pulled back behind the corner, she felt as though all the wind had been knocked out of her.  
Was this why Steve and Ruby had broken up? Or did Steve not know? Did anyone? How long had this been happening?  
And why had Ruby never told her?  
She heard a door slam, and peered back into the corridor. They were both gone, Bucky's gym bag lay forgotten at the entrance to the stairwell.  
***


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three can keep a secret -

"Hey stranger."  
Bucky jerked around.  
"Natasha."  
"You haven't been around much lately."  
"I've been busy."  
"With what?"  
"I don't know if you've heard, but I'm working on my recovery."  
"You were doing that without hiding yourself away, right up until about a month ago."  
"What?"  
"Right around the time Cap started seeing Ruby."  
"That's over."  
"How do you know?"  
"He - he told me, earlier."  
"Did he?"  
She rounded on him, teeth bared but not a smile.  
"What do you want?"  
"Stay away from her."  
"Excuse me?"  
"You know exactly what I'm talking about." She jabbed a finger at his chest. "I saw you, with Ruby."  
"What, when?"  
"Not even trying to deny it. Last night!"  
"I'm not denying anything - I'm not admitting to something either though."  
"I know that's how you know she's not with Steve."  
Bucky shrugged.  
"You leave her alone!"  
"I don't know what you think you saw, but she came to me."  
"I saw you kiss her -"  
"Then you saw her kiss me back."  
"She doesn't know what she's doing -"  
"You think so little of her, that she doesn't know her own mind?"  
"I think you don't know your's! One day you're everybody's buddy Bucky, and the next you're him again, preying on your victim -"  
Bucky snapped, his hand closed around Natasha throat before she could scream. He pressed her against the wall and spoke in low, measured voice close to her ear.  
"Now you listen to me - I'm not doing a single thing to that girl she isn't begging for. She wants to be with me. You keep your mouth shut about me and her."  
Slowly, he released his grip on. Spluttering, Natasha rubbed her neck, but had a face like thunder.  
"She'll end up dead if you don't let her go."  
***

Ruby was in the dining area with Sam and Steve, Natasha slunk in and helped herself to a portion of their meal, hoping to go unnoticed.  
"Um, Miss Romanoff. Sit down."  
"I - uh, I can't right now."  
"You eat my food, you sit at my table." Steve pulled a chair out for her. She was acting sketchy, adjusted her hoody and perched on the edge of the seat.  
"We're deployed next week, you in?" Sam asked.  
"Uh - I think so." She tugged her zip upward again.  
"You know, I haven't been cleared for fieldwork still."  
"Oh, Ruby, no. It's too soon."  
"It's been twelve weeks, Steve -"  
"I just want you to take it easy."  
"You sound just like Tony."  
"Why shouldn't she come?" Natasha leaned on her elbows, seeing an opportunity to get her away from the compound and talk to her in private. "It'll be like a little vay-cay!"  
"Ooh. Girl's trip though?"  
Natasha laughed.  
"Hey - what's that on your neck?" Steve jolted forward.  
"I've seen those marks before." Sam glowered.  
Natasha pulled at her hoody again, but Ruby beat her to it, tugging the zip down and exposing the bruises.  
"Jesus guys, it's nothing."  
Steve strode over and put his hand on her shoulder. "Who did this to you?"  
"I'm telling you Cap - " Sam started.  
"It can't have been."  
"Tell him, Nat."  
Ruby stared, dumbfounded. She knew that bruise pattern too, she'd seen in the mirror every day for weeks.  
Tears pricked her eyes.  
"I - I gotta go." She stammered.  
"Wait up, don't you want to hear this?" Sam, who suspected that deep down Ruby wasn't as okay with Bucky being forgiven as they all acted. "Nat, if this was him, they'll have to throw away the key."  
"Let's all just calm down." Steve interjected.  
Ruby tears were close to spilling over. He wouldn't do that to her, those bruises hadn't been there when she saw Natasha the day before and, the night they spent together -  
Ruby sniffed. He wouldn't.  
And Natasha certainly wouldn't sleep with anyone who lived on base, all she'd said about Ruby dating Steve was not to shit where you eat.  
"Why don't we let her tell us -" Steve frowned. "Nat, where did these marks come from?"  
"Jeez guys, can't a girl have her secrets?"  
"Not about strangulation!"  
"Relax, it was for fun."  
"It was - " Steve spluttered.  
"Hey, whatever gets your going." Sam raised his hands defensively.  
"Are we still talking about it being done by Buc -"  
"No!" Sam shouted. "Right?" He added to Natasha.  
Ruby couldn't hold them in anymore, she burst into tears and fled the room.  
Steve, still looking scandalized, called her name.  
"Let me go." Natasha said, she bumped fists with Sam and chased after Ruby.

***

"Ruby -"  
She turned to look at Natasha, wiping her face on her sleeve.  
"Why are you crying?"  
"I'm not." She said, like a bratty kid. Natasha tried not to smile.  
"What's eating you sweetie?"  
"Nothing, I'm fine. Just a bit of an emotional day." She lied.  
"Aw, hon. Is it Steve?"  
"Must be."  
Natasha narrowed her eyes. "Yeah, I can see you're real cut up about the break up."  
"We weren't seeing each other that long -"  
"What happened there?"  
"Just didn't work out."  
"Not compatible?"  
"I guess so."  
"That's crazy! Steve dotes on you, and you seemed like you had so much fun."  
"Yeah, we did. It just - wasn't right, you know?"  
"Maybe you kids can give it another go."  
"I don't think so -"  
"When you're more ready."  
Ruby frowned. "Did he ask you to say something?"  
"Or when you're not fucking the man who held you captive for the better part of a month!" Natasha hissed at her.  
Ruby's eyes grew wide and her mouth popped open into a perfect little circle. "W-what?"  
"Oh, don't even try the innocent act, Rubes. What the hell are you playing at?"  
"Noth- what are you talking about!" She spluttered.  
"I saw you together."  
Ruby gaped.  
"Close your mouth. It's not like you were subtle about it."  
"You were spying on me?"  
"Duh, I am a spy. But it doesn't take the kind of training I've had to - stumble into a hallway and see you going at it with The Winter freaking Soldier!"  
"Lower your voice."  
"Raise your standard."  
"Cute." Ruby shoved her. "Real cute."  
"What is going on with you? Did you dump Steve, so you could climb into bed with Bucky?"  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
"Well, we're going to talk about it!"  
"Why don't we talk about your neck!"  
"Oh, what about it!"  
"I know how you got those bruises."  
"I bet you do."  
"So - so it's true. He did do it?"  
"We both know he did."  
"So - I'm not the only one, you've been, you know -"  
"Wait, what?"  
"I broke up with Steve, because it felt wrong to be intimate with someone else and he - he -"  
"He?"  
"And you!"  
"Whoa. No."  
"I can't believe I'd be so stupid."  
"I'm not -"  
"And you kept telling me _don't shit where you eat, you'll regret it!_ And this whole time -"  
"I thought you were my friend!"  
"Hey, I am your friend." Natasha gripped her upper arms. "You need to calm down and listen to me. I am not fucking Bucky Barnes, and you shouldn't be either!"  
"But the bruises -"  
"I got them the same way you did, seeing the ugly side of that man."  
"But you said, during sex -"  
"I was lying!"  
"You said the same way I got them -"  
Natasha paled. "Oh, sweetie - that's sick. He choked you while he -"  
"Yeah, I thought -"  
"Jeez - I know what you thought. And you were jealous?"  
Ruby shrugged, tearful again.  
"Sweetie, listen to me, you need to go see that psychiatrist."  
"I'm begging you, don't tell the others about this."  
"Promise me you'll stay away from him." 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Personal space!

Tony called a team briefing. They had an assignment and the Avengers were about to roll out.  
Ruby took a seat next to Steve, he patted her in friendly anticipation of the announcement she would, once again, be left behind.  
"Next time." He whispered, squeezing her knee beneath the table.  
"I know." She smiled sadly.  
Bucky, who typically did not attend any assembling of the Avengers team, slipped into the room and sat down on Ruby's other side. Natasha stared daggers, she opened her mouth to say something but Tony stood and flipped his projection remote to start the briefing, and the room fell silent. Steve's hands lay flat against his own leg, Ruby could feel the warmth rolling off him from the few small inches way.  
"As you can see, the situation is critical, so we're all gearing up." Tony looked at his notes as though he didn't already know. "Ruby has not been cleared medically - and as always, Mr Barnes -"  
"Sargent!" Steve interjected, rolling his eyes toward Ruby.  
She almost jumped out of her skin when a hand grazed over her other knee.  
"Sargent Barnes -" Tony cleared his throat, "will also be remaining behind, in care of the psychiatric team."  
Bucky's fingers crept up her exposed flesh, under the hem of her skirt and rubbed small circles on her upper thigh.  
"The roster on base is essential personal only, so you'll practically have the place to yourself - "  
He brushed over the front of her panties, and her knees shot apart. Steve glanced round and smiled as her leg pressed against his.  
"So, make the most of it, hey? Little pool party and margaritas with your girlfriends?"  
Ruby gave a nervous laugh. Bucky's fingers slid under the fabric of her underwear.  
"Take photos if that happens. - And of course, no boys, and my cell number will be on the fridge."  
She bit her lip, she couldn't trust herself to reply.  
"Actually -" Tony said, making a note, "if you hang out at the end, there are a few security protocols I want to show you." He briefly gave Bucky a nasty look.  
Ruby's legs began to shake ass Bucky's finger glossed over her clit. Steve, the other side of her, only experiencing Ruby's leg rubbing up and down against his, flexed his hand softly, with the very edge of his knuckles stroking the area just above her knee.  
Tony turned to the specifics of the meeting. She tied frantically to push Bucky's hand away, he only smirked to himself. Panic set in, to stop Steve's hand from moving into a place he might discover what was happening, she grabbed it and held it still, squeezing tightly as Bucky's fingers worked their magic. She'd never be able to relax enough to climax but he was doing his best, and he knew exactly how to touch her.  
She issued something halfway between a grunt and sigh, interrupting Tony.  
"Something you'd like to add?" He raised his eyebrows.  
"Oh, no. Sorry Tony."  
"I know you're frustrated -"  
"You don't know the half!"  
"Sure, being cooped up in here can't be easy, but I promise, as soon as you're cleared, you're on the next mission."  
"Uh-huh." She writhed.  
"These briefings can get a little dry -"  
"That's no problem." She clenched her teeth.  
"Do you wanna go Rubes?"  
She dropped Steve's hand like a hot potato and jerked her chair sharply enough to make Bucky stop. On wobbly legs, she raced from the room.  
"Now what's that all about?" Tony watched her go.  
Steve cleared his throat, trying not to look too pleased with himself. "I think I'll go check on her."  
"Ah-ah! Sit down, you too, Romanoff. We are wheels-up in under sixty minutes, and regardless of what everyone seems to think, this is a work place, not some teen drama sitcom!"  
Bucky shrugged. "I'll go."  
"No." Natasha snapped.  
"I don't need to be here."  
"I don't know why I bother." Tony muttered to himself.  
Bucky shrugged.  
"You know what, you don't need to be here, so leave all you want -" Tony raised his eyes skyward, "but take it under advisement that Agent Romanoff doesn't want you to talk to that girl!"  
Natasha and Steve exchanged uncomfortable glances as Bucky trailed out of the conference room.  
***  
"Wait up -"  
Bucky half-jogged after her.  
"I cannot believe you would do that!"  
"Really?"  
Ruby spluttered, "well, I mean, I can but you shouldn't have!"  
"Not like you asked me to stop."  
Ruby made an indignant sound. "I tried to push you away constantly!"  
"Thought you were just wanted to hold my hand too."  
She raised her eyebrows.  
"Been missing you old school sweetheart?"  
"Fuck off." She tutted, "did you really want Steve's hand in on top of your's?"  
"Didn't you?" He grinned, Ruby blushed imaging both super soldiers hands on her body. "We've already been down this road, Rubes." He stopped her, spinning her and pressing her against the wall. His body trapped her there, one cheek against the cool wall, his tongue sliding up her neck and the fire he'd ignited between her legs still raging, Ruby succumbed, she moaned and pushed her ass back against him. He whispered in her ear, "See, you belong to me."  
He took her hand and pulled her along with him. Ruby smiled to herself, this was as close to normal as she'd gotten with him, holding hands as they walked.  
At her bedroom, he sat on the edge of her bed, hands massaging up her thighs again.  
"So, what did you excuse yourself to go do?"  
"Nothing," she laughed, "just trying to get your hands out of my panties."  
With a sharp tugged, he pulled them down and made her step out of them.  
"You weren't going to give yourself the orgasm you couldn't get to with everyone watching?"  
"They weren't watching!" She gasped.  
"But that's a yes?"  
Ruby shrugged.  
"Show me your toys."  
She pointed to a drawer beside her bed. Bucky opened it and pulled out a small vibrator. Discrete, matte black, about five inches long and easy to grasp in one hand, Bucky smirked. He twisted the end and turned it to high.  
"I thought you preferred a little - more."  
He pushed her legs apart and trailed it over his slit, pressing against her clit for a few seconds. Ruby's legs trembled and she gripped his shoulders.  
He circled her clit with the tip of the vibrator. "When you're ready for me, you're going to crawl onto this bed on all fours, I'm going to use this -" he slipped the vibrator quickly in and out of her entrance, "to fill your sloppy little pussy, while I fuck your ass."  
Ruby's legs shook harder, she groaned and gripped a handful of his hair. Bucky pushed the vibrator inside her and -  
Someone knocked on the door.  
Ruby started guiltily. She reached to take the vibrator out. Bucky slapped her hand away.  
"Answer the door."  
"What?" She whispered.  
"Go on."  
She turned, and trotted carefully towards the door.  
"Keep those knees together." He laughed lazily, watching her struggle.  
"Hide!" She hissed.  
Bucky smirked and slunk into her bathroom. Ruby cleared her throat, smoothed down her clothes and looked at herself in the mirror - her cheeks were flushed, pupils dilated, nipples rock hard beneath her thin shirt.  
"Ruby?" Steve called, tapping on the door again.  
"Invite him in." Bucky whispered from the bathroom.  
She opened the door a fraction. "Hi Steve."  
"Hey," He frowned, "can I come in?"  
"You know what, not right now."  
"Oh."  
"Sorry."  
Oh, no - that's fine. I just wanted to check you're okay - before I go."  
"I am," she smiled up at him genuinely and bit her lip as the vibrator buzzed on. "Thank you."  
"Should only be gone a few days, a week at most."  
"Good luck." She leaned against the door, desperate for some resistance against her body.  
Steve touched her shoulder, smiling warmly.  
"Oh - oh." Ruby sighed.  
He frowned a little.  
"I'll - ahem, I'll miss you."  
Steve leaned forward, he didn't know what her holding his hand had meant but he really would miss her. He intended to kiss her cheek, but her lips were full and pink. She kept biting her lower lip, so he went for it and planted a chaste, little kiss on her mouth. Ruby returned it with more passion than when they'd been involved, teeth and tongues clashing, sighing into his mouth. He braced himself with hands on her hips and she pressed close against him.  
"Wow - " he said, breathless, "really, wow."  
"Be safe!" Ruby's eyes were wide with shock, had she really just done that? She shut the door sharply.  
Steve didn't mind the door being shut in his face with a send off like that, he ran a hand through his hair and chuckled.  
Bucky had left his hiding spot, he'd watched the whole thing and was looking at Ruby like a wolf watching deer. She wriggled desperately, reaching for the vibrator. He pounced, dragging her to the floor in front of the door. Bucky pushed her legs apart and began to thrust the vibrator in and out, his tongue flicked over her aching clit.  
Ruby's nerves were on fire, she clamped down around the vibrator, glad to have something inside her while Bucky's tongue lay onslaught to her clit. He worked it furiously. She arched her back, hips bucking towards his face. He sucked her clit hard, teeth grazing over it, Ruby thought she would explode.  
And then he stopped. Bucky pulled the vibrator out and stood up.  
Ruby, breathing hard, lay on her bedroom. Pushing hair from her damp forehead she panted, "why'd you stop?"  
"You really think I'm going to let you come after that stunt?"  
"What stunt?"  
"Get up."  
She got up.  
"Get on the bed."  
She went to the bed and sat tentatively on the edge of it.  
"On your hands and knees!"  
She turned over and positioned herself for him. She felt him behind her and quivered with anticipation.  
_SMACK_  
Bucky slapped her hard across one asscheek.  
Ruby cried out.  
_SMACK_  
"Ow!"  
"Does that hurt, little girl?"  
"Yes!"  
_SMACK_  
"Bucky, please."  
Ruby ass was stinging. His hand landed on the other cheek.  
_SMACK_  
She let out a whimper.  
"It hurt my feelings, seeing you kissing Steve like that."  
_SMACK_  
"I'm sorry!"  
"And we had such nice plans." His fingers ghosted over her asshole, causing her to jump.  
"I'm sorry, we still can -"  
"Can we?"  
_SMACK_  
It burned, Ruby imagined her ass was bright red by now. She squeezed her thighs together to soothe the tingling between her legs.  
"Can we, little girl?"  
"Yes!" Her voice shook.  
_SMACK_  
"You think you give me permission?"  
"No! No, I'm sorry."  
She wanted him to touch her so badly.  
"You are sorry, aren't you?"  
_SMACK_  
"Yes!"  
_SMACK_  
"In a sorry state."  
_SMACK_  
"Please, do whatever you want. I belong to you!"  
"Only me?"  
"Only you!"  
"Not Steve?" He grinned.  
"Just you! Please."  
"What if punishing you is what I want?"  
_SMACK_  
She grunted. "Then I'll take your punishment."  
"And why's that?"  
"Because - I'm your's. Your slut."  
Bucky smirked, pulling his shirt over his head.  
"Have you learned your lesson?" He purred, stroking her tingling skin. Bucky's cool hands trailed down her aching backside, slid down the outside of her thighs, and he scraped his nails up the inside of them.  
"Yes." She said softly.  
He pushed two fingers into her and she squealed.  
"Doesn't seem like you have."  
Ruby thrust her hips backwards, fucking herself on his fingers. "I have, I promise I'll be good."  
"Good girls don't enjoy their punishments so much."  
He planted a kiss on her ass cheek, and lined his cock up with her entrance.  
"You've ruined all our plans, so you'll just have to make me come."  
"I'll make it up to you."  
"Maybe next time, you'll do as you're told and invite Steve in."  
Ruby didn't say anything, she let out a hiss as Bucky filled her.  
"Then we wont need this thing." He said, flipping the vibrator onto the floor.  
"Yes." She groaned.  
"Would you like that, little girl? Being stuffed full of cock? Mine and Steve's at once?"  
She moaned in answer.  
"You don't come until I say so."  
"Yes, yes sir."  
"Mm, good girl."  
He fucked her at a brutal pace, sweats around his ankles; his body pounding against her stinging ass was agony, the vibrator, him sucking her clit, it all built up until she was begging for him to let her come within minutes. Every breath she whispered "please", until Bucky finally unloaded in her and said "Now."  
Ruby came on command, fingers bunching the bedsheets, she pressed her face into the mattress to swallow her scream.  
Ruby slid forward, until she was laying flat. Bucky squeezed her aching ass cheeks.  
"You liked that?" She could hear the smile in his voice.  
Unable to move or think, she grunted "Uh huh!" In a small voice.  
"Do you want to lie in bed properly?"  
"My legs don't work."  
He laughed and pulled the comforter over her. "I think they've all left. Want something to eat?"  
Bucky let himself out without redressing.  
***


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a quickie, with some realizations.

"That's some send-off you got, Captain." Tony waggled his eyebrows, settling into the co-pilot seat.  
Steve couldn't help but smile, thinking over the kiss he and Ruby had shared.  
"She expecting you not to make it back from this one?"  
"I didn't realise you saw us."  
Tony chuckled, "don't worry, I didn't see anything but I heard enough to keep even my imagination fueled."  
Steve was confused, he often was when Tony was being euphemistic, so said nothing.  
"Honestly, I thought you were a wait-til-marriage kind of guy." Tony guffawed.  
Steve had boarded the quinjet right after leaving Ruby's room, and spent the time running up to departure doing pre-flight checks. The ballooning happiness in his chest was beginning to deflate.  
"What time did you go and see Ruby?"  
"I assumed you wouldn't hear me knocking; I just left the security brief outside her door. - You miss 'em on the way out?"  
Steve's mouth settled into a thin line. "Guess so."  
It was not him who Tony had heard doing - whatever he heard, in Ruby's room. Could it be true, Ruby was seeing someone else? But who? Clearly wasn't Tony either, but there was no shortage of men - or women, he supposed - on the base she could have struck up a bond with whilst stuck there on medical. She had told him only mere days earlier that she wasn't ready for a physical relationship.He tried to be pleased for her, that she'd found someone she could be open and comfortable with but couldn't help the sting he felt. A litte warning wouldn't have gone amiss either. Perhaps his envy would abate if he knew the person she had picked was worthy of her, he mused.  
He would ask Bucky. Bucky was also confined to the compound, and had said he was going to see her after she left the meeting, maybe she'd told him he needed to leave because she had plans with someone. Maybe he'd seen something while they orbited each other.  
***  
Bucky bustled back in. Ruby had slid the right way round, head on the pillows, and straightened up her clothes. She smiled, he was balancing a tray in one hand as he let himself back in. She sat cross-legged and beckoned Bucky to join her.  
"hey you." A rush of affection flooded through her.  
He beamed back at her and set down the tray.  
"Is this for me?"  
"I might let you have some, if you're nice."  
"I'm always nice to you!"  
Bucky kissed her softly, and held a strawberry up to her lips. Happily, Ruby took a bite.  
"What's this?" She picked up a folder with Stark industries logo on it.  
"It was at the door."  
Ruby thumbed through, it was a break down of how to set the alarm system on the floor she lived on without activating anywhere else. It must have been what Tony wanted to talk to her about. Ruby clapped her hand over her mouth.  
"What?" Bucky half-laughed.  
"Tony must have left these outside!"  
"So?"  
"So?! Why wouldn't he knock?"  
"Maybe he was in a rush."  
"Maybe he heard that I was busy!"  
Bucky chuckled again, popping a piece of muffin into his mouth.  
"It's not funny! Who's going to think I was in here with?!"  
"Does it matter?"  
"Of course it matters! They all saw you leave the briefing after me, and everyone knows I'm not seeing -" she gasped and sunk her face into her hands, "Steve!"  
"Ruby, it's fine -"  
"Oh my god! I have to talk to Steve."  
Bucky's face darkened. "What about?"  
"About what happened!"  
He scowled, picking at his food.  
"I kissed him! Not just, a goodbye kiss, I kiss kissed him."  
"I saw."  
"But he's going to think - oh, no. And I'm going to have to - again! Ah!"  
Bucky shrugged, sulkily.  
"Oh - oh, no but you want us to - with Steve -"  
"No -"  
"No?"  
He almost laughed again. "No."  
"But you said - last night -"  
"Ruby, I'm going to say and do things to you, to push your limits. To me, suspending you between euphoria, and this - this panicky, sentences-without-endings, crazy vibe - it's so beautiful."  
She'd been gaping, worried eyes and mouth wide, thinking over Tony knowing and having to tell Steve.  
"And the fear in your eyes, picturing being fucked by two men at once - me letting someone else do things to your body, with only my permission standing between them and whatever it is they want -" he took her face between his hands and kissed her.  
"So, you don't want to - share me?"  
"I thought you knew me better by now. I don't share. Not you, not ever."  
"Well, that makes things easier." She said, matter-of-factly.  
"You talk to Steve about that kiss, tell him whatever you need to, but know that every minute you spend with him translates to a spank from me."  
Ruby reeled, surprised but excited. "Excuse me?"  
"You heard me. You are mine - " he growled, "and I will drill that lesson into you if I have to."  
Her mouth popped open.  
"Don't act so surprised." Bucky tapped her chin, "now shut that mouth or I'm going to have to fuck it."  
Sat in bed, eating breakfast and talking about - Ruby sighed inwardly, - their relationship, she mulled over the word, the sentiment of their first day together, alone in the compound.  
She forced herself to imagine that same scenario, introducing Bucky to her family, the questions about how they met, the rest of the team's faces when they found out - which was likely to be sooner, rather than later, if Tony figured out what he almost walked in on.  
Disgust, anger, confusion. She could Natasha and Sam's faces swimming before her eyes, they would have a great deal to say about it. Clint, she knew, wouldn't know what to make of it. He'd ask for assurances she was safe and happy, and say no more. The whispers from the others, conversations ending as she entered a room.  
And then she thought of Steve - hurt, etched all over his handsome face.  
Ruby shook her head, maybe Tony wouldn't figure it out and their secret would be safe a little longer. If nothing else, they had this week together, and she was going to make the most of it.  
***


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Safety first.

"Bucky -"  
He sighed, with a smile, and looked up again. He'd spent an idyllic couple of days with an uninhibited Ruby. The longer the team were away, the more she relaxed, and the more she relaxed, the more she talked to him. He was enjoying seeing her open up willingly, finally letting her guard down with him. Bucky understood why it was taking time to build trust, the last time he'd wanted her to talk frivolously about herself, he'd had her wired to fifty thousand vaults.  
He barely remembered that life.  
Sometimes there would be flashes of Ruby's face, or another, nameless victim it was much to late to make amends to. He knew that, by his hand, maybe hundreds of people had died - but he wasn't the only assassin on base, and his own training was just as cruel, just as controlling, as the way Agent Romanoff had marked her ledger. His memories felt timeless, he couldn't judge which face, which scream belonged to which victim or time period. His therapist wanted him to recover more memories, she said it would aid with his recovery, but Bucky preferred not to think on it too long.  
"Yes?"  
She was sitting on the kitchen counter, legs swinging, in a short lace slip. He'd spread his newspaper out, made a pot of coffee and settled in. His morning routine. All thoughts of current affairs slid from his mind as her tight little body bounced up on the counter next to him though.  
"When you said you're going to push me - "  
"Mmmhmm."  
"What did you mean?"  
Bucky had twisted and manipulated Ruby's body, not just for his own pleasure. He took her to the brink, and back again. He'd spend all day building her orgasm and revel in every second of it.  
"I want to show you a side of yourself you never knew was there. Something primal, and greedy - he traced a finger up her leg, eliciting a soft moan, "awoke in you, in that dungeon. I don't want what happened to be something you're afraid of -" he'd slept in her bed enough nights now, to know she had nightmares just like him. "Or ashamed of."  
"I'm not ashamed -"  
"Sure, not now. Not with me, but aren't you're worried about what everyone is going to say when this comes out."  
"Why can't it just be our little secret?" She asked dreamily, knowing full well why they wouldn't be able to hide it.  
"That's hot - and trust me, we'll have a hundred dirty little secrets, but this is going to come out eventually."  
"I know. If we're ever going to stand a chance, it can't be a secret forever."  
"Ruby, you saved me. From - from that life, after the train -" he shuddered, his own nightmares too close for comfort now, "I get flashes, but they feel abstract, like watching a movie of someone else's actions."  
"It was someone else -"  
"Yeah, yeah. I'm not The Soldier."  
Ruby smooched a little kiss on his face. "You're my soldier."  
"They took my memories away. You are what made me fight to keep them."  
"But - what if you do something that I -" she blushed and looked away, "that I don't want to do."  
"I'll never put you in danger."  
"I know, but Bucky, you like to hurt me."  
"You like to be hurt." He raised his eyebrows, knowing they both knew this to be true, he gave her a small sharp tap where his hand rested on her thigh still.  
She giggled and held his hand flat against her skin. "But what if it's too much?"  
Bucky grinned. "Well, if this isn't a momentous occasion - Ruby, are you asking me for a safe word?"  
"It's better to be safe than sorry."  
"What did you have in mind? It needs to be something simple, unlikely to ever come up while I'm fucking you -"  
"Maybe something about the weather?" She smirked,  
"You'd like to tell me we're expecting rain if I cross your threshold?"  
They laughed.  
"Well, my soldier," she said, draping her arms around his neck, getting an idea from the weather, "what about 'winter'?"  
Bucky stroked his chin. Personal, non-sexual but clear. "Okay. But I've been watching Game of Thrones, and I really did want - at least once - the chance to tell you _Winter is coming_."  
He watched her giggle, and smiled to himself.  
***  
Ruby went for a run when they saw Bucky's therapist driving up the lane to the compound. It was a condition of Tony and SHIELD accepting him staying there, instead of a jail cell or a rubber room; if he didn't meet with the doctor, armed agents would storm the compound and drag him off, for the safety of others. Ruby was just clearing her second kilometer when she heard a familiar whoosh.  
She cut vertically across the lawns to the landing pad. The Quinjet touched down, and she waited eagerly for the ramp to open.  
Natasha run straight into her arms.  
Ruby was relieved to see no one arrive home a stretcher for once. Tony declared victory, and carted off a case marked hazardous to his lab. Clint and Sam wandered over for a hug, only Steve hung back in the jet.  
"Hi." Ruby wandered up the ramp.  
"Hi." He didn't look up.  
"How'd it go?"  
"Resolved to satisfaction of all parties."  
"Avengers save the world again."  
"So it would seem."  
"Do you need a hand with any of that?"  
Steve was holding his jump bag, slung over one shoulder and a small stack of files, he raised his free hand in a shrug.  
"I - uh, actually wanted to talk to you -"  
"I bet you did."  
"Is now a bad time?" Surprised by his curtness.  
"Kinda."  
"I guess, you're tired, wanna shower and -"  
"I'll catch up with you in a few days, okay?"  
"Days?" Surprised again. Ruby had seen Steve, when not on a mission, every day around the compound. "Uh - sure."  
And with that, he stomped down the ramp and out of sight.  
***

Every time she saw him, Steve would turn sharply off or suddenly remember he was on his way to a meeting. Ruby knew he was avoiding her, what she didn't know was why. She was convinced Tony had figured out her secret, told Steve and now he was angry about it, but she didn't know who to ask for sure.  
If she was wrong, and Tony didn't know, he was the last person she'd want to let on to. Natasha would need details before providing any information back, so she couldn't ask her.  
Ruby took a deep breath and went to the only person she could.  
"You got a minute?"  
Clint smiled, "for you, I've got two."  
Ruby felt bad, he'd clearly been trying to catch some downtime. Clint had a glass and a cigar on his coffee table, books spread out in front of him and a record playing.  
"I need to tell you something, and I want you to promise you'll keep it between us."  
"Of course."  
He cleared off a space on his couch.  
"Is this a tea and sympathy talk, or liquor and being mad for you kind of talk?"  
"Maybe both."  
Clint chuckled, he poured a second glass of whiskey.  
"Just promise you wont get mad at me -"  
"Uh-oh," he rubbed his chin in faux-concern, "what did you do while we were gone? Break something Stark didn't find yet?"  
"Nothing like that."  
She nervously sipped her drink.  
"I promise, I wont get mad."  
"I've been - involved, I guess, with someone -"  
"That's great!"  
"Someone on base."  
"But not the Captain?"  
"No -"  
"Oo-kay."  
"Someone I think a lot of people aren't going to understand why - "  
He narrowed his eyes.  
"And I think Steve has already figured it out, because now he's avoiding me -"  
"Ruby, maybe you'd should just tell me."  
She took a deep breath, and then another sip of her drink.  
"It's Bucky -"  
Her words hung in the air from a long moment. Clint let out a sharp breath and rubbed his chin again, distracted and lost in thought.  
"When you say - involved with -"  
"You know, sexually?"  
"Yeah, I thought that's what you meant."  
He didn't say anything for a long time again.  
"So, I take it you didn't know." She asked, feeling hopeful.  
"Nope. No, can't say I did."  
"So - so, that means no one told you, which means, they probably don't know!"  
"I don't think anyone was sitting on this information -"  
"Oh, but then what's Steve angry at me about -"  
"I wouldn't worry too much, it's going to be this."  
"You promised not to tell!"  
Clint wearily rubbed his face and huffed out a sigh.  
"You're right, I did promise, but the issue is - I'm worried about you."  
"Oh, come on -"  
"No, I mean it. You declined psychiatric help after your ordeal and now we're here - you are clearly suffering from some kind of Stockholm Syndrome, and no one ever thought to check -"  
"I do not have Stockholm Syndrome!"  
"Ruby, please. You're willingly screwing the guy who assaulted you!"  
"It wasn't him -"  
"Is that just a reflex you guys now? All I ever hear is how it isn't his fault, all the terrible things he did - and no one will ever be held accountable for that because, brain washing and government conspiracies!" Clint gestured emphatically, sarcastic and exasperated.  
"Clint, please."  
"D'you think you love him?"  
"I - I don't know."  
"Then end it!"  
"I don't want to."  
"Ruby, he is not a good guy -"  
"He is! Bucky Barnes is."  
"He's not there yet, the man admits it himself, he isn't 100% Barnes."  
"I can't end it -"  
"What do you want me to say; Mazel tov?"  
"Tell me you understand - "  
"I don't."  
"We - fit together -"  
"And how did he figure that out? By forcing it on you."  
"What happened in that cell doesn't define me, it doesn't shape my life."  
"But don't you see how it defines a relationship with him?"  
"I can't explain it, this feels right."  
Clint grabbed her arm and looked her dead in the eye. "I'm going to guess, I was the soft option. The person you thought would be most calm about hearing this, am I right?"  
Ruby shrugged, refusing to meet his gaze.  
"Thought so," he continued, "trust me. This is the most accepting answer you will get from anyone. Get help, and get away from him."  
***


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's one way to let the cat out of the bag.

Ruby was pressed into the damp earth, Bucky's hands around her throat pinned her in place as her body writhed beneath his. He lent over her, breathing hard. He'd pulled the loose jersey fabric of her dress down, the straps sliding off her shoulders, where his lips and teeth would graze against, so he could see her breasts jiggle with the force of each thrust. He could see in her face that she was getting close to orgasming and tightened his fingers to choke her. Her nails scraped down his forearms. As the oxygen restricted, every nerve in her body felt like it was on fire, she felt him lose control and spill himself inside her, hands clamping down as she tipped over the edge.  
Suddenly, he grunted and rolled, mostly, off her. Bucky had always been exceptional with timing, and would ride her through her orgasm, bring her down slowly, but not this time. This time he jerked and flopped down beside her heavily. Ruby covered herself.  
"Hey -"  
Bucky didn't acknowledge her, or turn toward her. She sighed, shaking him slightly.  
"I wasn't done, but I guess you are."  
Rolling onto her side too, she shook him a little harder, she didn't understand what he was doing.  
"Buck? - "  
She felt some hot and wet against her stomach. The rain and dirt seeping from the floor of the wooded area, their meeting place for secret liaisons, had been cold as it soaked into their clothing. She placed her hand to it, as the sensation spread.  
Sticky.  
She looked, and it was red.  
"Oh my god!"  
Ruby sat up, turning his face towards her. He was bleeding!  
She pressed her hand over the source of the bleed and stared back towards the base, - what to do? If she left, he'd bleed to death without pressure on the wound. If she stayed, he'd bleed to death anyway, just slower, without help.  
***  
Natasha was skirting the edge of the woods that backed onto the compound. She'd seen Ruby's distinctive hair, bold as brass, against the leafy spread around her. She squinted, was Ruby on the floor? What was she doing, yoga? And then she realised Ruby was not alone, she was not willingly lying in the grass beneath the trees, her body was not bent into that position for exercise. The Soldier was in the middle of assaulting her! Natasha wasted no time, even at fifty feet away she knew she wouldn't miss. She drew her weapon and fired. The Soldier fell, and Ruby sat up.  
Natasha knew Ruby was confused by Bucky. She had warned him, she'd told him to stay away from her, and he hadn't. He was taking advantage of her confusion, and someone had to stop him.  
Instead of running away from him, as Natasha ran towards them, Ruby seemed to be leaning over him. As she got closer, Natasha could see the blood streaming between Ruby's fingers as she pressed on the wound.  
"Ruby - "  
"Thank god you're here! He's been shot!" She sounded shocked, shaken.  
Of course she was, she'd been assaulted again.  
"Natasha! - Help us."  
"I did. I saved you."  
Ruby was on the verge of tears, her head twisting from Bucky to the direction of the compound. "Get a med-kit! Get help!"  
Natasha shook her head, trying to clear it, sure she'd misheard.  
Ruby's eyes had dropped to the gun still in her hand.  
"Did you -" She gasped, and recoiled.  
"Ruby, get up."  
"What are you going to do?" Her eyes were wide and wild.  
"I need to certify the kill."  
"Have you gone fucking mental -"  
"I warned him!"  
It occurred to Natasha that Ruby had been screaming, as footfall approached behind her.  
"What's wrong?"  
Steve skidded into the clearing, stopping dead at the scene in front of him.  
"No, no. Bucky, no." He dropped to his knees to assess the injury. "What happened?"  
"Natasha fucking shot him!"  
Steve looked at Ruby, she was covered in blood. Her hands and arms, soaked into the once pale blue dress she was wearing.  
"Jesus." Sam took one look and turned back towards the base, calling for a med-team as he sprinted.  
"Keep your hands here -" Steve adjusted Ruby's positioning and pressed hard with her for a moment, before turning to Natasha.  
"Give me the gun, Nat." He placed a hand over her's, smudging the red further. She let go.  
"He was raping her." She said in a small voice. Ruby's response knocked the sense out of her, but it was coming back.  
"He - what? He wouldn't -"  
"The Soldier -"  
Ruby's eyes were streaming, "he's not The Soldier."  
Steve looked aghast, afraid, confused. He looked at Bucky's unmoving figure. "So, he didn't - "  
"He didn't rape me!"  
"I saw him!" Natasha expelled, instinctively squaring up.  
"He wasn't -" Ruby stopped and closed her mouth. She looked at Steve, more scared then before.  
He tilted his head softly, finally understanding. Steve looked away, he turned to watched the med-team approach, feeling cold.  
Ruby didn't care, she watched Tony's team of doctors hauling Bucky back towards the compound's medical centre, she didn't care that Clint, and Natasha, and Steve knew their secret. She didn't care that within the next few minutes, everyone else would know too, all she could think of was Bucky, and if he'd pull through.  
She knew what a wound like that meant, she'd seen first hand, and knew of dozens more, good men and women, strong operatives lose their life to something as seemingly simple as a single shot to the stomach, through the back with no exit wound.  
***

They had been in surgery for hours. Ruby was exhausted as she paced up and down. The waiting room door finally opened, but it was Steve.  
"Have you heard anything?"  
"Nothing."  
He sat down, looking scared, "he'll be okay. He has to be, I only just got him back."  
Ruby continued her pacing, still caked in blood. Steve noticed for the first time that she had mud down her back.  
"You should go clean up."  
"What if they -"  
"I'll call, if anything changes."  
She sighed, hugging her arms around herself. "I won't be long."  
"Hey, Ruby -"  
She paused in the doorway.  
"He would've died if you hadn't been there."  
Ruby felt her eyes well again, knowing he'd not have been in danger at all if she hadn't been there.  
"Steve -"  
"The second time you've saved him."  
" - I love him."  
***


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected side effects.  
>   
> 

_"Are you insane?" Natasha screamed._  
They sat around the dining table, it had been Ruby alone to start with. She'd showered Bucky's blood from her body, changed into sweats and dumped a load of laundry when she was finally overwhelmed by tiredness. Before the shooting, she had already had an active day. Most days for her consisted of physical therapy and a swim or a run, sometimes both, yoga to wind down and stretch out her healing limbs, household chores and being tangled in Bucky all afternoon. It was pushing nineteen hours since she got up when she hit the kitchen, thinking of coffee.  
Ruby had sat down, phone in hand in case Steve called her back down to the medical bay, just for a moment when Clint entered, panic in his eyes and no time to explain.  
"She wants answers -" he hissed, as Natasha was framed in the doorway, eyes blazing.  
"The Winter Soldier?!"  
"Excuse me?"  
"You're screwing the Winter fucking Soldier?"  
"He's not the Soldier -"  
"I thought we agreed you'd get as far away from him as possible!"  
"I'm not a child, Natasha! I can make my own decisions -"  
"Clearly not!"  
"It's not even what you think, he cares about me -"  
"Oh, because only at the hands of The Soldier you were beaten and choked and fucked like he owned you - oh wait, that hasn't changed!"  
"My relationship -"  
"Relationship!" Natasha scoffed.  
"My relationship!" Ruby stood, the two of them at opposite ends of the table, sparks flying, fists clenched, "has nothing - nothing! - To do with you, or anyone else!"  
"Let's keep it civil, ladies." Clint warned.  
"It's sick!" Natasha rounded on him now, "can't you see she's sick in the head?"  
"Shouldn't you be in a cell somewhere!" Ruby roared.  
"I thought I was saving your sorry neck!"  
"Same old Natasha! Shoot first -"  
" - and save your friends from their rapists!"  
"Stop!" Ruby slammed her fists against the table, and sank back into her seat. "Stop this - he might die!"  
Natasha shrugged, pretending to be unbothered by Ruby's tears.  
"I love him - and he might die!"  
"Love him -" Natasha faced screwed up in disgust and confusion.  
"Yes. I'm in love with Bucky -"  
"Are you insane?" Natasha screamed.  
Ruby's phone had slipped from her grasp and lay on the table between them, it buzzed against the smooth glass. Clint wavered uncertainly, but finally picked it up. He spoke softly, said 'okay' a few times then 'the kitchen', and hung up.  
"He's out of surgery -"  
Ruby's body stiffened.  
"It was touch and go for a while, but he'll be alright."  
Ruby sighed, hours of tension releasing from her body. "So you're only on the hook for attempted murder -"  
"Oh, the monster made it! Best get him a card!"  
"He won't be awake for a while, and they've said no visitors - Steve's on his way up."  
"Maybe he can talk some sense into this idiot -"  
"Nat, leave it." Clint rubbed his eyes wearily.  
Clint squeezed her shoulders, it was almost a hug, and seemed to be working hard to keep his expression cheerful. Natasha bridled, but something about the unspoken bond between the two of them kept her silent.  
All three of them turned sharply as someone entered the room.  
Sam froze, and his mouth turned downward, "what is this, an intervention?"  
"Not for you -" Natasha stared, pointedly.  
Sam, too, glanced at Ruby, "Oh - " he shook his head, "why do you always have to do these things where people eat? I got no problem with her dating whoever she wants, and I told you I didn't want to get involved - "  
"Excuse me?" Ruby raised an eyebrow, "an actual intervention was discussed?"  
"I suggested a phyche hold." Natasha drawled.  
"Just wanted to get my juice on -" Sam mumbled, closing the fridge door empty-handed.  
"Come on! You guys keep telling me I'm crazy, whilst acting like this?"  
"Ruby, please -" Natasha dropped her defensive stance, "can't you understand why we're worried?"  
"Of course I understand why you're worried! I was a little worried myself, you know!" She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "I could've used a friend, someone to talk to about the way I've been feeling -"  
"You could've -"  
"With you? Come on, all you do is yell at me!"  
"I was scared for you!"  
"She's not saying anything I did tell you already."  
"I know, Clint! Run away! Talk to the psychologist, but that would've just legitimized this theory that I'm only, you know, feeling what I feel because there's something wrong with me!"  
"Ruby, no. They're there to listen -"  
"I would've listened, if you'd come to me, instead of sneaking around -" Natasha said, sounding hurt for the first time.  
"I couldn't - You know you wouldn't have understood -"  
"I'd have tried!"  
"You did shoot him." Sam scowled, leaning on the kitchen island, separate from the emotions filling the room. He shook his head.  
"Exactly! You tried to kill him!"  
"Christ, Sam! Thanks for that." He raised his hands defensively, Natasha turned back to Ruby "Listen - You keep acting like I did that out of hatred for Barnes, when I thought I was protecting you, because I care about you."  
"Clint said -"  
Natasha's eyes narrowed, "Clint said what?"  
"When I told him, he made it seem that everyone would be angry about it -"  
"When you told him?"  
"Yeah. So, I just, I didn't see the point of telling anyone else, and honestly, after the way he reacted, I was scared to -"  
"Clint knew?" She raised her brows at him.  
"Oh - um," he looked panicked.  
"You told him, but you couldn't tell me?!" "Don't start yelling at her again." Clint sighed.  
"So, let me get this straight; Barnes is in the hospital. Ruby has lived in a state of fear and deception for however many months, I've been grounded pending investigation and Steve's heart is breaking - because you didn't feel like cluing us in?"  
Clint fiddled with the zip on his sweater. "I promised I wouldn't say -"  
"You promised you wouldn't say?!"  
"I keep my promises, Nat."  
Steve had caught Ruby's attention from the doorway, she patted Clint's arm as she slid out the room. She appreciated he'd kept her confidence, even if perhaps things would've worked out differently had he not.  
"Hi." Her voice was hoarse from rowing.  
"Sounds like Nat's gearing up for a long night."  
"You know what they say, misery loves company."  
Steve chuckled, Ruby wondered what Natasha had meant about Steve's heart being broken.  
"So, now we're all miserable, huh?" She asked.  
"We won't always be." He shrugged.  
"I'm sorry -"  
"Don't be."  
"No, let me finish. I really am sorry I kept this secret from you."  
"You know, I would have been happy for you. He's my best friend." Steve blinked rapidly. They had walked a ways, Natasha's voice dimmed from distance, and on the sky bridge between buildings, they could see the glow on the horizon just starting.  
"What did Nat mean, she's grounded?"  
"SHIELD have banned her from missions," Steve heaved a breath, "an incident of friendly-fire warrants investigation."  
"What will happen?"  
"It's a complex situation, but they'll clear her - when they find out what's happening up here."  
Ruby blushed. "So, soon they'll be a whole file on me - on us."  
"It'll be barely a post-it, don't worry."  
"And another of us, stuck inside here." Her nails tapped against the glass bridge.  
"No firearms or weapons, no training with them."  
"Yikes! No wonder she's unhappy."  
They stood silently, looking out across the compound.  
"I'm to blame for all of this." Ruby said, after a long moment.  
"I won't try to convince you otherwise, but you weren't fucking yourself out there."  
Ruby gaped open-mouthed, "Captain America dropping an F-bomb. I didn't even know you knew those kinds of words."  
He almost smirked, "Everyone always forgets, I was actually a soldier too, you know."  
Silence grew between them again, the sun began to peek between the boughs of the trees surrounding the grounds. "Did you see him yet?"  
"Briefly." Steve frowned, "very briefly."  
"And?"  
"He'll be okay."  
Ruby sagged with relief and wrapped her arms around him, "Thank you Steve. I'm so glad you were there when he woke up."  
"You'll both be fine." He told her, maybe himself more than Ruby. ***  


"Don't overwhelm him." The doctor smiled at the relief on their faces, she admitted Steve and Ruby into Bucky's room.  
He was sitting up in a hospital bed, and frowned somewhat as they entered.  
Ruby surged forward, her eyes swam with tears as she restrained herself from falling, full body, into Bucky's arms, and gently clasped his shoulder for a moment.  
"Oh, Bucky, you're awake!"  
"Yes ma'am!" He said, a little startled.  
She began to fuss around him, smoothing his bedding and plumping his pillows. Bucky caught Steve's eye and grinned. Steve hovered still, in the doorway, but smiled back.  
"You had us worried for a moment there." Ruby ducked down, and lightly gripped his stubbled chin between thumb and forefinger, and kissed him.  
Bucky laughed, half embarrassed as he pulled away, a hand firmly on her shoulder. "Are you seeing this, Stevie?"  
He smiled, despite himself, "sure am." Steve crossed his arms, he hadn't seen Bucky this happy for a long time.  
"You've got to be the friendliest nurse I ever met." Bucky chuckled. Running his hand through shoulder length locks was so foreign to him, he shook his head. First thing he needed was a shave and a decent haircut.  
Ruby reeled as though he'd slapped her. She spluttered slightly. Bucky - politely - didn't notice, he turned his attention back to Steve, hoping for answers. "How long was I out?" He gestured to his mane, "I guess Zola really did a number on me!"  
Steve froze up too, "Zola?"  
Bucky flexed, marveling at the silver protruding beneath his hospital gown. "Nothing compared to you though! Erskine's really got you cooking with gas now."  
Steve looked at Ruby, her eyes were wide and fixed. He could see her begin to tremble. "Rubes?" He nudged gently, she met his gaze and he hoped she understood his silent plea, "do you mind grabbing the doc?"  
She cleared her throat, but her voice still came unsteady, "Of course - Captain." She'd realised, at least, what he was doing. Their hands touched as she passed him. Out in the hallway, she lent against the wall trying to catch her breath. Hot, wet tears spilled down her cheeks and sobs wracked her body silently.  
"Heck of dame." Bucky breathed, as the door closed behind her. "Glad to know I've still got it, even with you around. She got the jones for me while I was out!"  
"What's the last thing you remember, Buck?"  
He frowned, working hard to recall a memory. "The - the factory? The Red Skull. You saved me." He smiled. "You saved all of us. Who'd of thought, some skinny punk from Brooklyn - "  
Steve's mouth pulled downward and his brow knitted with concern.  
***  


"The amnesiac assassin has amnesia?" Natasha repeated blankly.  
The doctor had explained it better, but as Steve told the others what had been waiting for them in the medical bay, Ruby wrapped her arms around her knees and sobbed. Natasha had quietly taken her hand, and Ruby let her.  
More than anything now, she needed a friend.  
Bucky's memories, already so manipulated and damaged, had caved in on themselves and, for the time being, his mind had regressed to his core self. As far back as it could, shielding him from most of the pain he'd lived through. A form of protection from the physical and psychological injuries he'd been dealt. In time, the doctor's were convinced, he'd get back memories he'd made since shirking the veil of Hydra control, those several months ago in Ruby's cell. No one could give them a timescale though, and Ruby was crushed.  
"Well, yeah -" Steve shrugged, almost apologetic at the extraordinary circumstance he was trying to explain.  
"He has amnesia, about his amnesia?"  
"Well of course it sounds stupid if you say like that -"  
"Stupid? It's outright crazy!" Clint pinched the bride of his nose. "How does this even happen?"  
"Trauma. Trauma on Trauma, and his brain is trying to protect him." Ruby's voice was dull, monotone.  
"So, what does he remember?"  
"His life. Bucky Barnes' life." Ruby supplied.  
"Nothing of The Soldier?" Sam asked of Ruby, as Clint spoke over him to Steve.  
"Seemingly no. The doctors say it'll likely come back to him, how it was before - the nightmares of what he did."  
"Nothing of - you?" Sam said softly.  
Another tear fell and Ruby shook her head.  
"But he'll, you know, be himself again, one day?" Sam was thinking of how difficult it must be for someone you love not to remember even meeting you.  
"He is himself." Steve asserted. He hadn't been listening to the whispered conversation between Sam and Ruby. "This is who he really is! It's a god-send, he gets his real life back, even if he had to waste seventy years to do it."  
Ruby didn't try to stop her tears, but as she stood she gave Steve a cold, hard stare and stalked from the room.  
"Ruby - no, wait! That's not what I meant."  
But she was gone.  
"Nice, Steve. Real nice." Natasha stood, punched Steve as hard as she could muster and followed her out.  
Steve looked blankly at Clint and Sam, who met his glance with matching confusion.  
"So - we're not mad at Nat for shooting him anymore?" He rubbed his stinging bicep, with a pout.  



	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling himself.

Bucky left his hospital room, he was amazed how well and quickly he was healing from a bullet wound. He guessed Erskine's serum, or whatever Zola had pumped him with, was having some positive side effects. Steve, and a shrink, had come down and carefully explained to him that he was missing some memories - and more than that, he was missing the better part of the last century. Cryogenics and Russian conspiracies, Bucky shook his head, still struggling to wrap it around his part in this brave new world.  
He didn't remember how he'd come to this place, he walked through the compound, looking at it like it was a space ship! Steve had told him his living quarters were over the bridge and to the left. He was the only one who lived in that part of the compound, Bucky didn't ask why but flexed his metal arm and let the whirring of gears tell him a story he thought he might be missing.  
He'd met Sam and Clint, and he'd been knocked back by a furious red head named Natasha on multiple occasions. He thought it was just a little fun, but she'd looked disgusted the last time he'd suggested they go dancing together. Some new etiquette perhaps, that he wasn't aware of yet.  
He thought maybe he'd switched places with Steve. Once upon a time, he'd been the handsome one that girls flocked too. He felt as invisible as the night Steve had set up a date with the English dame, all those years ago. Bucky chuckled to himself, Steve had always had a good heart, he deserved a little attention.  
He placed his hand against a glass panel, a green light rose up and down over his hand and the door popped open. He likened it again, to living on board a space ship. Bucky had once taken a date, and her friend, to The Stark Expo. He'd dragged Steve along, hoping he might hit it off with the friend, but ended up leaving with both girls himself. While they'd danced, Bucky's mind drifted back to the expo; Howard Stark and his flying car seemed like nothing, compared to what his son, Tony, had achieved with this place. Once, Bucky would've like nothing more than to shake Howard Stark's hand, but meeting Stark Jr had been such an abrupt and unpleasant conversation, he wondered if the behavior came from his father.  
Bucky, of course, had no way of knowing that Tony was the last person who wanted to meet the latest frozen-40s-treat, as he'd spat at the Captain, but as a favour to Steve, he'd made nice with his friend as best he could manage.  
Bucky looked around his living quarters and laughed out loud. His apartment back in Brooklyn would've fit inside just the front room. A space-age silver-grey couch sat in front of what looked like a screen from a movie theatre. Floor to cieling windows looked out over acres of land, a narrow road winding away beyond the trees surrounding the compound. In his bathroom, he found a tub like the community pool and a shower with a setting that simulated warm raindrops. The mirror mounted behind his double-sink counter stretched the entire length of the room. Bucky peered at himself, dripping still and long-haired. He took a small, sharp pair of scissors from the cabinet and hacked at the untidy lengths of his hair. When it was neat and short, he combed and smoothed it down and felt like he remembered himself. This is how he'd looked, the last time he remembered looking in a mirror. He supposed that would've been not long before Zola took him captive. He ran a hand over his chin; silver and cold, but supple and compliant as flesh. He couldn't help but marvel, watching that hand as he lathered up, as it held the razor, even scooping water to rinse his face.  
In his obscene bedroom - bed the size of the room he used to sleep in - he opened a wardrobe built right into the wall. All he - whoever he was before the surgery - seemed to own was gym clothes. Behind the stacks of snuggly fitting teeshirts, soft cotton pants and hooded sweatshirts, he found a pair of slacks and a button down shirt. No jacket and no dress shoes, he slipped on baseball boots, perched on the edge of the bed to tie them. He pulled a small lump out from beneath the bedclothes and almost blushed. He had yanked a pair of panties out from under his sheets. Soft, silky and pale pink. He wonder who they belonged too, and for a moment what they looked like on they're owner. He started as someone knocked, and thrust the panties into the pocket of one of many hooded sweatshirts as he draped it over his shoulders, in place of a nice jacket - which, again, he didn't seem to own. In a way, he took the sweatshirt as he felt the need to cover himself up more, hide who he was, somehow.  
Bucky had never been shy before.  
***  
Steve hadn't known what to do with Bucky, the new-old Bucky, and decided to just try and get him involved with life in the compound again. He planned some rest and relaxation the way Bucky had liked it best; poker night.  
He beamed as Bucky opened the door, he was a version of a man he'd not seen for close to seventy years.  
"Where are we headed?"  
"Well, like I said, you can't leave the compound -"  
"So soon after surgery, yes. I know."  
"But that doesn't mean we can't have fun!"  
Steve walked him back over the bridge, to the part of the compound where most of it's residents were housed. At the end of a long corridor, doors spotted sporadically along it, there was a lounge area and kitchen. It's where they seemed to congregate most evenings.  
"Just like old times." Bucky grinned devilishly, eyeing the card table set up on the age of Stark's space-age kitchen, all chrome and glass.  
"You in?" Clint called, shuffling a pack of cards and taking a pull on a cigar.  
Bucky nodded and watched Steve fix him a drink. He drifted to Steve's side, where liquor bottles lined the wall on the counter. His hand trailed over an indent on the metal draining board beside the sink. Bucky made a a fist and softly pressed it into the mould, a perfect fit. Like an archaeological dig, he kept finding evidence of his presence here.  
***  
Thick smoke was drifting down the corridor, and under Natasha's door. She and Ruby were sat in her bed, drinking wine and talking about anything but the B-word.  
"Are they trying to burn the house down?" Ruby sighed.  
"Must be Clint, he's a terrible cook."  
"Come on, we're out anyway."  
Natasha peered sadly at the empty wine bottle in Ruby's hand, and pulled herself to her feet.  
They shuffled, in the uniform of a girl's night in - fluffy pyjamas - down the hallway. There was shouting and laughing coming from the kitchen, the clinking off glass. As they approached, Ruby picked out Bucky's voice, mid-way through a story that, for him, must be recent.  
" - she's a real hotsy-totsy dame! And Steve is all over her like a rash -"  
"Our Steve?" Sam chuckled.  
"When her lounge-lizard boyfriend walks in, she upchucks all over her ritzy dress and the whole joint gets raided. I drag Steve out the back entrance in the midst of the panic, him slopping this moll's puke off his shoes, and we walk round the front - two good, Christian boys on a way home, shocked to see a speakeasy in our neighborhood and half the clientale getting pinched on the street corner. Including Steve's dame!"  
They roared with laughter.  
Bucky smoothed his hair back. "So, I've had a few flat tires like that in my time, but can any of you boys tell me who the sheba that left these behind is?" He dropped the lace panties onto the card table, and chuckled again. He'd expected the others to laugh to, a move like that would've brought the house down at his old table. Sam puffed his cigar and Clint tried not to look at the pink, suddenly adorning the space in front of him.  
Steve half grinned, but cleared his throat. "I've got some idea -"  
"Get this," he said to gain the others attention, "Steve won't tell me much, maybe you can; am I still a hit with the broads?"  
Ruby was frozen just beyond the threshold but Natasha, full of wine and rage, dragged Ruby in behind her.  
"How about a little decorum, Barnes?" Eyes falling on the panties. "Thought your generation was meant to be known for it."  
"Ladies! -" He stood, "if I'd known we were in the presence of -"  
"Save it." She turned her back on and snatched a bottle of wine out the fridge.  
"Good evening." Bucky smiled in a way good enough to break her heart. He reached for her hand, and kissed the top of it gently. "I'm sorry if our language this evening offends you."  
Ruby pulled her hand back reluctantly. To have him hold her hand in his, to feel his lips on her skin but see him look at her as though a stranger was more than she could deal with, "it's fine." She bared her teeth in the widest smile she could summon.  
"You and your companion, have some real moxie."  
"Let's go." Natasha nodded at Ruby. "By the way," she reached over the table and plucked a cigar from the ashtray, "these stink - and this facility it a no smoking area."  
"Miss Romanoff?" He called after them, Ruby turned to look at him one more time. He looked so different. The hair gone, not even a shadow of stubble. His face shone with health, he looked happy and relaxed in this setting. And it was the first time Ruby had seen him in anything but leather body armour or sweats.  
She liked it.  
Images of Bucky, cleaned up and hair styled, in a tux waiting at an alter flashed through her mind. She squashed the thought back down and hope he didn't see her blush.  
"What?" Natasha sighed at last.  
"Don't you want these back?" He held the panties out to her.  
"Oh honey, you are barking up the wrong tree." Natasha snatched them from his hand, she stuffed the panties in the bin. Before turning on her heel again, a strange look crossed her face. Ruby thought it pity, perhaps. "You ought to be more respectful towards -" she gestured vaguely towards the panties, having binned them only to stop him holding them like a trophy "her, their owner, you know."  
"Oh yeah?"  
"Yeah. Someone might shoot you next time you forget your manners."  
Ruby's mouth popped open, mirrored by the shock on Steve's face too.  
"Natasha!" The two of them gasped, but she just laughed and Clint joined in.  
Bucky stood dumb-founded, and as the two girls swept back along the hallway, Sam's "Ooh" echoed behind them.  
***  
"I can't believe you said that!"  
"Oh, what?" Natasha tutted. "He deserved to put down a peg or two."  
"He doesn't know why the shooting happened, Nat!"  
"Like I care."  
"It has to come back to him naturally - "  
"Steve tells him details about life here all the time."  
"Gently! And stuff he need to know."  
"Sweetie, let me look out for you, because you sure as shit have stopped doing it."  
"His recovery is -"  
"It's not as important as you're own."  
"I'm fine. I'm all healed up, Tony says I'm cleared for duty as soon as -"  
"As soon as you pass a psyche eval! Which you won't."  
"Not this again. I don't have Stockholm Syndrome."  
"You're right, it's not that again - I've got a whole new load of facts for you to wake up and deal with; He. Doesn't. Know. You!"  
Ruby pouted.  
"He doesn't, Rubes. Not right now. Maybe he never will again -"  
"He will -"  
"You don't know that! That's my point, no one does. When are you going to realise that, and start living for yourself?"  
"I - I can't -"  
"Yes, you can."  
"Shut up. Let me talk, if you want to talk about this!"  
Natasha rolled her eyes.  
"First hurdle done, and thanks to you being trigger-happy, actually moved past it with relative ease. Everyone finding out should've been a big deal, but your homicidal tendencies saved me from those conversations. I was ready to live out loud, being with Bucky - and - and -"  
"Yeah, and now that isn't an option."  
"I can't just - move on, not yet. I'm not the one who forgot about being in love."  
***


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long over-due, and somewhat one-sided, conversation.

Ruby twisted the sleeve of her hoody, she sat in the psychologist's office - a spare suite in the medical wing of Avengers upstate compound that the doctor met with staff in when therapy was required on site.  
Her doctor peered at her sternly, but spoke warmly. "I've wanted to meet you for a long time, Ruby."  
"Well, here I am."  
"Yes," he adjusted his glasses, "there you are."  
"At last, huh?"  
"Do you feel like you should have come sooner?"  
Ruby sighed to herself, she didn't want to be here. "No."  
"Why is that?"  
"I don't think there's anything wrong with me."  
The doctor smiled and looked down, "and what makes you think I only see patients who have something _wrong_ with them?"  
"Isn't that what you do, fix people?"  
"Some doctors fix, certainly."  
"And what kind of doctor are you?"  
"I listen."  
Ruby sighed again, this time out loud.  
"You think that it isn't important sometimes, to be heard?"  
"Why couldn't I just talk to my friends, instead of a doctor?"  
"I don't know. You tell me why you couldn't talk to your friends."  
"I didn't mean it like that -"  
He smiled at her balefully.  
Ruby surrendered, he did have a point about not talking to anyone she considered a friend. "You know - what happened to me?"  
"Some. I'd like you to tell me in your own words."  
"I - I messed up. I got grabbed on a mission, and Clint, he blamed himself for not protecting me but if I'd sold the bit better they never would've pegged me -"  
"Is it important to you that Clint not take any blame in this situation?"  
"Yes! Because it wasn't his fault."  
"But it was your's?"  
"Yes."  
"And so you deserved the punishment you received for that mistake?"  
"I - oh my god - no! No one _deserves_ to have what happened to me happening to them. You said you knew - I was raped, and tortured. I died and was brought back, over and over, in a dirty cell I almost hoped to starve to death in, because it beat what was coming the next day!"  
"Sit down, Ruby."  
She was shaking, fists clenched and out of her seat. "Sorry. Yes," she sat, "it's - it's hard to talk about."  
"Is it hard to think about?"  
"I don't know, I don't think about it."  
"And perhaps that's why you use the most shocking descriptors. You died, you were raped. Angry, violent words."  
"They were angry, violent acts, Doc."  
"I understand that, yes, but many survivors of such things can heal from the trauma, to a point where they are able to control their emotions."  
"Excuse me?"  
"Understand, Ruby, I am here to make sure you're field-ready. To support your colleagues in dangerous situations. If just mentioning what happened to you prompts such a volatile reaction, how can your team trust that you will remain in control of your faculties should you, as a unit, tend to victims of similar abuses? - And, you are not dead, you live."  
Ruby wanted to be angry, but again, he made a point. She couldn't help anyone who had been through what she had, if she immediately lashed out or shut down when confronted with it.  
He considered her a moment, seeing something processing behind her eye. "You do understand."  
"Yes."  
"Then we can begin."  
Ruby talked to him, at first, about the torture. Her hands skated over her clothed body, to the site of every scar, to soothe the ache at each memory of how she got them. She talked of her repeated sexual assaults, and how, towards the end, she grew to enjoy what was being done to her.  
"You survived, Ruby. Any means necessary, your body protected you how it could, and you survived."  
She voiced something she had been afraid to say out loud since leaving her cell;  
"I still like those things. Pain, bondage, being - " she lowered her eyes, ashamed, "being forced."  
The doctor made a note on his pad and nodded. "Fetish is nothing to be ashamed off."  
"But I only like it because of what he did -"  
"I think not. These are primal acts, had you learned about your enjoyment of them through consensual experimentation, would you immediately assume it was wrong to want to experience them again?"  
"Well, no."  
"And, assuming you have experienced these types of fetish play since, you enjoyed them?"  
"Yes."  
"You consented to them with a partner who understands what you want, and also what you have survived?"  
"I think so."  
"To which part?"  
"Well, he knows what he did -"  
"Did you discuss prior to the act how your appearance of non-consent would work?"  
"No."  
"Can you elaborate on how this experience worked as enjoyable for both of you without clear communication?"  
"He - he was the one who, did it before - and so he knew what I liked when we - when he did it again."  
"He - did it before? The man you're exploring non-consent fantasies with is the man who assaulted you?"  
"Correct." Ruby's mouth squeezed the words out, twisting like the over acted sitcoms of the 90s would show playful guilt.  
The doctor blinked a few times. "Well, this changes things -"  
"Relax Doc, he's a different man. Kinda."  
The doctor, now utterly bewildered, raised his eyebrows. "Help me understand, start from the top."  
"Well, let's see; The Soldier is an operative of Soviet-controlled Hydra, was subjected to torture and experimentation in order to create a human weapon. He was involved in several dozen high profile assassinations that manipulated the course of history over the past seven decades - cryogenically frozen when not required. On a routine undercover sting - or so we thought - he grabbed me. You see, the illegal sale of vibrinium was so important to his employers that he was activated, and took me hostage, having made me as a spy. The Soldier is who did all those unspeakable things to me."  
The doctor nodded, just trying to keep up.  
"Except, whatever he woke in me triggered something in him. A survival instinct which made him sympathetic toward me, and fight to keep control of his thoughts - because I forgot to say, the use of mind control, so he was real messed up, upstairs," she tapped her temple, unable to stop the words spilling out, "and so he just blankly obeyed orders and had his memories wiped after each deployment. You see?"  
"I see," the doctor said, as though he didn't see, "and the man who is here now?"  
"He was somewhere between who he used to be and The Soldier - my Soldier anyway - with memories of each life he'd lived coming back in nightmares and flashes. But the problem there was, I didn't tell anyone I was sleeping with him and so my friend Natasha - she's also the product of a Soviet program to create human weapons - got really mad when she saw us together. She told me I was crazy - and should come see you - and she told him to stay away from me. Obviously neither of us listened, and she saw us having consent-play sex in the woods, so she shot him."  
"She shot him?"  
"Yep. And when he got out of surgery, all his memories of everything I just told you about were gone - and now he's just a regular, US Army soldier guy from 1940s Brooklyn, who doesn't remember me, all the things that happened or falling in love. And you know, I really just feel okay about it. Other than the crippling pain of my injuries, which I can only assume is all my head because they've long since healed. Oh, then there's the shame and confusion about intense, irresistible lust for the man - who isn't himself - that inflicted those injuries on me, plus the things I want him to continue doing to me - and complete and utter heartbreak of losing him, when we were on the cusp of being the closest thing we'd ever get to being a real couple."  
The doctor had been scribbling furiously, and took a deep breath.  
"So, if you could just tell me how to mend a broken heart and sign me off for active duty, so I can go back to espionage and risking my life, that'd be swell."  
"Ruby, I'd like to schedule regular sessions with you."  
***


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad dreams in the night.

His fingers tightened the ropes, twisting flesh and twine together. Until The General had called him that morning, the woman had been handcuffed to this metal table for close to a week.  
The General had screamed questions at her for days, and yet she hadn't answered.  
Days was too long. He'd brought her here, the spy, and now he'd get answers from her too.  
He'd cut her, burned her, beat her and yet she stayed silent. Today, he had something new in store for her.  
The skin reddened instantly when he tugged her restraints, but she made no sound. He circled her, on her back across the table. The only indication she was afraid was her heaving chest. He admired the frantic rise and fall of her breasts. He'd never seen a captive like this, so captivating. He'd never felt anything towards a captive before and pushed it to the back of his mind, the twitch in his pants was in no way relevant to the task in hand.  
He ducked down and tied, with difficultly as she kicked out, each foot to a leg of the table also. His hands ghosted up her lean legs as he stood. She was held still, almost completely flat except the slight support of her arms tied either side of her head.  
He was ready to begin.  
The woman's eyes were open and anxious, he was fascinated by them. Their depth and colour. He needed to see them, and only draped the thick linen cloth over her mouth and nose. That was the moment she knew what he was planning, that was the moment her pupils blew wide.  
He poured water over her face, listening to her gurgle and gag, eyes darting for any glimpse of hope. He slowed, he could be her saviour, if only she gave he what he came for. She strained for breath, limbs pulling at the ropes, back arching off the table with each gasp.  
"You will tell me what I need to know."  
She turned her face away from him, the smallest amount that was possible for her to do. Refusal to comply.  
He resumed a greater flow of water again.  
Her eye were still defiant, fearful, wide open - even after her body went still, her chest stopped rising and the gurgling of water ceased along with her breath.  
He removed his mask, tilted the woman's head to one side and compressed her chest, one hand on the other against the "v" of her ribs. A little water flowed out her mouth, but only from the force of his compression. He pumped again, clearing more water. When her throat was empty, he covered the woman's mouth with his own and blew. Her chest rose with the inflation, he blew again. She spluttered back to life beneath his lips, expelling the water from her lungs.  
She groaned.  
"Tell me what I need to know." He enjoyed watching her body arch again, he placed a hand on her stomach under the pretense of holding her down.  
She still said nothing, but as he covered the lower half of her face with the cloth again, tears leaked from those eyes.  
He brought her back three times in total. Each time she sucked in that first breath, it was torn from through his lips. The final time, her mouth puckered, her tongue peeked from her own lips and grazed over his. Perhaps delirium, perhaps gratitude. He didn't care, now he knew she would give herself to him and all he had to do was take her.  
***

Bucky jerked awake, breathless. He adjusted to the dark quicker than he remembered his surroundings. The Compound, the Avengers, Stark's boy - and Steve! He grounded himself, gripping the lustrous sheets covering his huge bed. His breathing steadied, and he thought over the events of the dream. It had felt so real, he shook his head.  
Bucky knew, this was a memory of one of the lives he'd lived, he knew it was real. He had watched a woman drown, caused it even. In that moment, he knew he'd done other things, maybe worse things to her.  
He closed his eyes wishing the memory would fade, but he only saw more vividly the scene it had taken place.  
The woman looked like a broken doll when she'd died. Limbs splayed out in desperation against restraints, her fingers wound around the rope that held her. Her back was arched - he'd remembered, before pouring the water, lusting for the shape of her body - her arms stretched above her caused her skin to strain and clothes to pull tight. Bucky felt, in the memory, how it felt to pull the linen away, to touch her still face, damp skin and slack mouth. He remembered pushing wet hair away from them - the eyes.  
So familiar to him, terror and anger. But another memory flashed in his mind, he'd seen them happy. He'd seen the crinkles around them from laughter, soft and affectionate against his sheets. He'd seen those eyes close, achingly slowly, not wanting to stop meeting his gaze, at the point of ecstasy.  
Bucky sat upright as he forced himself to remember the exact shape and colour of those eyes.  
Ruby's eyes.  
***

"Steve!" Bucky hissed. He had awoken with a start and didn't see why anyone else should have a pleasant wake up call, not when they'd been keeping things from him. "Steven!"  
"W'at'smatter?" Steve groaned, gripping his pillow tightly.  
"Stevie, wake up, it's me."  
As kids, they'd practically had sleepovers every night, but somehow Bucky felt strange about sliding under the covers with this new, buffed up stranger his best friend's spirit inhabited.  
Steve grumbled, swinging his legs out the bed. Bucky was silhouetted against his window.  
"What is it, Buck?"  
"The dreams -"  
"Night terrors again?"  
"No." He placed his palm against the cool glass, wondering how to explain what he'd seen. "I - I remembered - something."  
"Yeah?" Steve sounded nervous.  
"Tell me who I was." Bucky turned to look at him, and Steve switched on a light.  
"You've been through so much -"  
"I've been so many people, you mean!"  
"What did you remember?"  
"I don't know if you know - "  
"I can handle whatever you tell me -"  
"I hurt people, you know that?"  
Steve cleared his throat, fear seeping in as he waited. "I know Buck, but they made you."  
"Yeah." He rubbed his tired face with both hands. "You act like it was a bum rap, but I remembered - wanting to."  
Bucky couldn't bring himself to look at Steve, and Steve waited quietly, watching, for him to continue.  
"I - I think I enjoyed it?" His face screwed up, questioning everything he did still know about himself. "How'd they'd make me that sick?"  
"Buck - "  
"How'd some stupid serum make me sick in the head - when you," He let out an angry sigh, "look at you. You're not - wrong."  
"There was more than just the serum. The mind control techniques, drugs, torture -"  
Bucky scoffed. "They tortured me until I willingly did the same things to others."  
"It'll be okay - "  
"Tell me again, how I came to be here."  
"We - we found you, while on a mission."  
"But you weren't there for me?"  
"It was an arms deal, a sting, to get to the people who took you -"  
"But?!" He spun on Steve.  
"But," Steve cringed, "we found you whilst freeing another hostage."  
"My hostage."  
"- Yes. But you were a captive yourself -"  
"Steve, the hostage I took, it was an agent, wasn't it?"  
"It was, but - "  
Bucky looked down, he'd already known the memory was real but he had to have confirmation. "And I tortured them?"  
Steve hesitated, "you were made to do those things -"  
"Steve, come on."  
"Yes. Okay? Yeah, our agent was tortured."  
Bucky turned away again, he looked out the window for a long moment, Steve just watching him again, waiting.  
"I killed her, you know?"  
"What - "  
"Ruby - she was the agent you sent."  
"Yes."  
"I dreamed about it. I killed her, more than once. I waterboarded her, and she never talked. All the things I know I did to her, and she never talked once."  
Steve was behind him, he rested his hand on Bucky's shoulder. "She's a good agent -"  
"What else is she?" Bucky turned back to Steve, close to him now. He gripped Steve's arm, studying his face for a lie.  
"What - what do you mean?"  
" To me, what is she? Tell me, Steve. What kind of woman lives with the man who did that her?"  
"It's so much more complicated than these few memories -"  
Bucky studied him hard, but slowly released his arm. "The underwear I found in my room, it was her's, wasn't it?"  
Steve looked defeated, "yes, it was her's." He said, returning to sit on his bed.  
"I - I remember having thoughts," Bucky closed his eyes, Ruby's bound body flashed in his mind, "about her. Why does she -" he gasped, "I'm still forcing her, hurting her - "  
Steve opened his mouth to interrupt but Bucky couldn't stop the words flowing, as he felt a puzzle piece snap into place.  
"That's why, um, Roman- Romanoff? The read head, that's why she's so angry! You came to rescue Ruby, and found me as well. You took me, because you didn't know I was the one holding her prisoner, and now we're here together and I just - kept torturing her." He gasped, "it's why I got shot, isn't it?"  
"Bucky, no. Calm down."  
Steve was on his feet again, trying to slow Bucky's frantic pacing. His eyes were darting as he leapt to conclusions. The same ones Nat had jumped too.  
"I can only tell you so much. I don't know what happened, she was taken hostage. The medical examination shows some - some bad stuff happened to her, but she asked us, when we came for her, to save you too." Steve placed both hands onto his friend's shoulders. To calm his pacing, to keep his focus. "This is the part I know even less about, you were here together and intimately but she was a willing participant. We found out, mostly, because of the shooting. You were together when it happened, and when she thought you were going to die, she said she loves you."  
Bucky gaped, speechless for a moment.  
"I - I don't remember - "  
"What?"  
"Why she would ever love someone like me."  
***


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe he's still inside of there somewhere.
> 
>  
> 
> Happy birthday JBB.

Bucky crossed the dewy grass of the lawn. Steve had wanted them to go to breakfast, the gym, anything to distract Bucky while keeping an eye on him. Bucky declined, he needed to be alone, he needed to think. He could feel Steve's eyes on him from a window somewhere above, and at the earliest opening, he slipped into the trees. His wound was almost completely healed, he could eat, drink and do anything he pleased now really, as long as he stayed in the compound's perimeters. He didn't know where he was going, under the dense canopy of trees, but his feet seemed to, and in no time at all he found himself back where it all started. He frowned, maybe it was actually where it all ended. The opening in which he'd been when the shooting happened. He was slowly piecing together what had happened, since he arrived here, and on that day specifically, from things he was told or overheard and flashes of memory.  
He knelt in the dense, damp earth and took a handful of it. It was soft and loose, easy to grab. He wondered where he'd fallen, exactly. What patch of earth he'd bled into. "You won't find any evidence of the shooting." A voice - that seemed to have read his mind - informed him.  
He stood and turned, Ruby was watching him. She often ran in the ground but wasn't dressed for it now. "Did you follow me here?" He asked, frowning, dirt falling through his fingers.  
"No, but I did come over because I saw you."  
He glanced back into the tree cover. She stood on the grass, looking in at him. She was pale and drawn, even in the sunlight. "Why won't I find anything?"  
"They turned all the soil."  
"Who?"  
"I guess, Stark's people?"  
"To cover it up?"  
"Not a cover up, hiding evidence, just to hide it."  
"Why?"  
"Tony's good like that, he sweeps things under the rug if they're an ugly reminder. Let's you confront it in your own time, instead of stumbling in on it." She glanced over her shoulder, distracted. "I guess it's why everyone works so hard to make sure I never see you."  
Bucky didn't know what to say.  
"There wasn't much blood anyway." She pressed on. "Most of it was on me."  
"You - you were with me when I was shot?"  
"You don't remember?"  
"I wish I did."  
She smiled balefully. "We used to come here sometimes."  
"To talk? And - and hang out?"  
Ruby laughed, "sure, Buck. We'd hang out."  
He didn't know why she was laughing but had a feeling. "We got a history, huh?"  
"Uh-huh."  
Bucky sat heavily on a fallen tree. He'd waited in the spot to ambush her, drag her into their secret spot when she went for a run. Ruby grinned, trilling over to sit beside him. "Tell me a little somethin' about it, doll."  
"It's complicated."  
"I'm a quick study."  
She turned to stare out across the lawn, "alright. What does it matter anyway, either you'll remember one day or you won't."  
He nervously placed his hand on her's - Ruby started, never growing used to the feel of metal on her skin - "oh, I'm sorry." He withdrew his hand but she grabbed at it, holding on. "We didn't meet in a conventional way."  
Bucky looked at her hand, how tiny it seemed tucked into the shining silver of his. "I remember - some stuff -"  
"Beginning, middle or end?"  
"Beginning, some middle -"  
"So you know -"  
"What I did? Yeah."  
"What he did."  
"Who's he?"  
"The Soldier."  
"I was The Soldier, they took me and - changed me" he furrowed his brow. "Steve said - drugs and - hypnosis?"  
Ruby chuckled. "Advanced mind control techniques to break and remold you into a living weapon, stripping away identity, memory and independent thought - but sure, you could say you were hypnotized."  
"Hey, have you never been to Coney Island? I once paid twenty bucks for a guy to hypnotize Stevie to drop his pants any time I said -" He realised he was smiling, and stopped. "Sorry."  
"It's okay."  
"I remember some of the things I did to you, it's not okay, even if it wasn't me."  
Ruby smiled tightly, still holding his hand.  
"And - and the stuff in the middle." Bucky let out a low whistle. "Doll, where's your head at?"  
"What?"  
"You and me, carrying on all over the joint!"  
"Ah." She looked at their joined hands.  
"I just mean, I don't understand how - "  
"Understand what?"  
"I dunno. How you separate what you went through, from when you started wanting me to do - that."  
Ruby held great sadness in her eyes, he had memories of seeing it before. "Remember when I said it was complicated?"  
"Please, if you can break it down - "  
"I think we saved each other. I don't know what about me made him do those things, but he - he came to life. Not just a tool, or a weapon. He had thoughts, impulses." Ruby almost smiled at the memory of her cell, now all she had was a man who knew nothing about her. "He was a fighter. They would take his memories and lock him away in some cryogenics lab when he wasn't needed. Something in that cell changed him, like owning something - owning me - made him want to hold on. I was fighting to get out, to stay alive - and in a way, so was he. He just wanted to - to remember."  
Bucky frowned, following Ruby's gaze outward to nothing in particular. "At least I have that in common with - myself."  
She spoke softly. "You told me once that you were somewhere in the middle of _my_ Soldier and Steve's Bucky."  
"Now I'm just Steve's version of me."  
"I don't think you are, you've jut strayed closer to that end of gage."  
"And you want me to come back the other way."  
Ruby let go off his hand and stood, arms crossed over her chest. She sighed. "Yes, I want that but I don't hope for it anymore. I just want you to get well, and feel secure in yourself."  
"But, you miss him? Your Bucky?"  
She turned away. "I love him."  
For a long moment, he looked at her back, watching her clothes and hair ripple in the breeze. She gave a little sob, Bucky jumped to his feet and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, I should have said something."  
"No. No, it's not you -"  
Bucky pulled her into a hug and she cried.  
"He knew, you know?"  
"What?"  
He cleared his throat. "He knew that you loved him. I know that you loved - me."  
"I never told - him."  
"I remember how I felt about how you felt - " He frowned, not sure he was making sense. "Sometimes it wakes me up."  
"What does?"  
"I'll dream of you, I guess that means I remember something about you, and I'm so filled with longing and -"  
"Love?"  
"Yes. But - Ruby, I'm not saying this to be cruel - I don't love you. I'm sorry. I just don't remember how we got from the things that I - that _he_ \- did, that make me sick, to being in love."  
Her tears didn't abate, but she stepped back from his embrace. "You remember, hurting me?"  
He nodded.  
"Torture?"  
"Yes."  
She slid her jacket off. "Do you remember putting cigarettes out on me?"  
His eyes flicked immediately to where he knew he'd see small, circular scars. He swallowed, hard. "Yes."  
She kicked off her shoes and pulled pants down. Her legs were covered in dark red lines, criss-crossing over her thighs. "Do you remember cutting me?"  
He closed his eyes, and could see the knife in his hand, slick with blood. "Yes."  
She took her shirt off over her head. From beneath a black bra ran jagged red marks, knife scars. More cigarette burns. Her fingers traced over a perfectly straight scar. "This one?"  
He shook his head.  
"Technically it's from surgery, but you kicked me so hard my ribs broke." Her fingers moved to two small, close together, blue-ish scars. There were close to a dozen on her chest, arms and back. "Taser burns."  
Bucky felt sick, he wished she'd stop.  
"What about this?" Her fingers ran almost seductively over her throat, he looked closely. Faint, silver scarring against her skin.  
"Bite marks?" As he said the words, he could remember how her neck tasted, damp with sweat as she writhed and fought to get way.  
Ruby unhooked her bra and let it drop to the ground.  
"Ruby, don't -"  
She dropped her hand, exposing herself to him in full.  
Bucky swallowed hard again, a twitch rising in his pants. He kept his gaze fixed upward.  
"Look." She asked.  
He shook his head.  
"Look!"  
His trailed his eyes slowly over her elegant neck, round breasts, pretty pink nipples, hard in the cool air. He bit his lip. She lift her breaths slightly, pushing them together, agonsiging him further. "Do you remember this cut?"  
The smallest scar on her body, a pale, thin pink line under her left breast.  
Bucky remembered. It hit him like a tonne weight. He'd tied her down and trailed his knife over her body, the small cut made her gasp. He'd kissed her, he'd sucked her nipples. He'd brought her to edge of orgasm and stopped. He felt himself grow hard.  
"You remember, then?"  
"Yes."  
"You remember fucking me?"  
"Ruby, please." He draped his jacket around her and looked into her eye. "I remember raping you, and I can never apolog -"  
"Don't."   
She turned away and hastily redressed.  
"Wait -" He spun her back towards him, and kissed her deeply.   
Ruby parted her lips, bringing her arms up round his neck. Her fingers trailed through his short hair, looking for something to grab. He explored her mouth with his tongue, memories flooding him. Her willingness, open and affectionate. In his arms, in his bed.  
Breathless he pulled back. "I get it."  
Ruby had scrambled back into her clothes, and sat to put her shoes on. "You do?"  
"Whatever we have, it's physical -"  
"Have, not had?"  
Bucky bushed, he moved to run his hand through his hair and chuckled, pulling at nothing. She saw a flash of her Bucky in that moment.  
"Have, definitely. I feel - a connection."  
"Really?" Her eyes round and hopeful.  
"The more I see you - see of you, feel you, hear you talk about it - this - us! It's like, puzzle pieces."  
Ruby sagged with relief. "Whatever you need, Buck."  
"I ain't him. - "  
"Yet!"  
"Maybe not ever - and I don't know what he did to make a dame like you fall in love, but I sure as hell want to find out."  
*** 

Bucky smiled to himself, watching Ruby lay the table. Natasha was throwing cutlery to her like she was throwing knives in a side-show act, hard and fast, but Ruby caught everyone of them. They talked idly as though this was a feat seen everyday. Sam and Steve bustled in the kitchen, making dinner and bickering about how much hot sauce to add to the seasoning. Clint was pouring wine. It felt like a normal family dinner.   
Well, as close to normal as things seemed to get around the compound.  
She smiled at him, dazzling and genuine. Ruby had stopped fighting to get _her_ Bucky, she'd let go of falling in love with a man she may never get back, and was working hard to get to know him, as he was. In the months that had passed, they talked about their childhoods, families and old friends, former jobs and how they came to be where the were. Bucky, going to the European front. How Ruby had got into Intelligence. Things she'd never talked to him about - before. They laughed, went on dates, didn't hide or sneak around. It was all that, and the memories ebbing back to him more and more each day, which were the reason he planned to tell her, finally, that he loved her.


End file.
